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    dots Submission Name: Together We Utter our Lovedots

    Author: CaramelCandy
    ASL Info:    37 Female NYC
    Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 118/144/57
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1297
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 916


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    dotsTogether We Utter our Lovedots

    As my eyes roam above the shore
    The waves entice my inner soul
    The flow, as light as fingers long
    Running, racing easily along

    It rises and rises like an overture
    Leaving my heart pounding for more
    The shimmering glow radiates at night
    When you and I lie in the twilight

    The moon gleams its shadow within
    Reflecting the light upon you and me
    Your strong hand that lingers above
    Reaching, touching, exploring all

    Down, down I whisper not above
    Let the waters spill with our pure love
    Do not fear I say to you
    Youíre the one I want to lure

    As my eyes roam your face above
    Your eyes glitter with every pulse
    As this fancy of mine unwinds
    Together we utter our sweet love

    "Written by Saby J.R. Dated: 11/11/04

    Submitted on 2006-05-28 16:55:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the suggestive wording you used and really made the poem enticing to read. I haven't written many poems like this but I definatley like it and thought you did a great job.

    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by Candale-Switch | [ Reply to This ]
      You gave a great metaphorical example that attempts to show how powerful love can make a person feel as well as a great perspective of how dominant the lover is to intrigue someone to such an extent that passion conquers all.

    I interpreted "the wave" as being your sweetheart since it "entice my inner soul". The great thing about using that is because if one were to imagine a wave, it's timing of when it falls is quite unpredictable. It's a shock to most, and a wonderful awe for how capable it is to collect so much water and move anything in its path...almost like how someone in love can be intrigued by their crush. To them, that person that they adore is everything in their eyes: strong, amazing, beautiful ...
    I also took it a step further and thought about water itself and the act of "washing". Love can be a tool against you or for you, and that in itself is unpredictable because each person deals with it differently. To some, they can fall in love quickly and passionately while to others, they form this boundary to only adore, in order to cautious of "drowning". The act of washing is also something that can cleanse your heart and incorporate a happy and loving feeling that soon takes over your mind. It's like a drug that makes you forget all your worries...and that's what I got out of the wave =P.
    I loved how you explained the climax of the wave in comparison to your passion because that totally relates. Once the wave touches down, it creates this sense of relief and soon enough, a gentle result comes in ...just like love.
    Although this poem is labeled "love" it still shows a characteristic of passion, but to a very light and clean extent, which is great because it made the poem "flow" just like water =P.
    All in all, I loved it
    I'm so impressed *__*.
    Also forgive me if I said anything wrong or strange lol. Sometimes I get really attached to words and my mind goes off to la la land dreaming of the imagery of the poem hehe.
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by darkrose16 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very suggestively erotic, without being lewd, gives it a wonderfully romantic tone. This made me feel yummy inside. lol (what a silly thing to write)

    For some reason, the line "The shimmering glow it radiates at night" sticks out a bit too much, when I read it aloud, but I don't know why.

    To get a little nit-picky, on the second line "eniticed" was the only word in the poem written in the past tense.

    I think this is a beautiful poem. Right from the first line I was drawn in. Only that one line (I mentioned) brought me back to reality, but as I read on, I was lost once again.

    Really well done. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]

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