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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Played Outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 517



    Description:
       goodbye


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlayed Outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Iím played out
    stayed out
    too late to come back in
    from the cold
    Iím old
    And told
    often of the faults I got
    Alot
    But got
    use to getting used.
    and abusing pot
    I choose these eyes
    to stay blood shot
    A kiss is not just a kiss.
    Where are my kids?
    Iím too caloused
    to feel
    Iíve tried
    to express my true sadness.
    Now I
    would rather die

    lamemansterms





    Submitted on 2006-05-28 20:03:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      on one hand i read this and get a bit of suicide from it, which if thats what this is about, i'm hoping you're just writing about it and not actually considering it.
    on the other hand, the beginning of this makes me think of elite skills. i know what it feels like when you're use to getting high view and comment numbers, then you disappear for a little bit and all of a sudden you're barely getting any comments at all. thats what this reminds me of...elite frustration.

    anyway, just to let ya know, if you ever need to talk i'm always here buddy.
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      Tell me this isn't a suicide note, Mike.

    I could go on and on about the talent you have with words, the way you be-friended a chick that pissed you off when you first met her. I could tell you that life sucks royally, but offing yourself isn't going to help anyone.

    But all I want you to do is..

    Tell me this isn't a suicide note, Mike.

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      there is something so sad yet so strikingly blasť about the tone in this piece. i don't know whether to flow along or to stop and wonder, but overall it is very appealing. i have read over some of your other work and your writing style, i would have to say, is very unique. nice work.
    ~cynthia
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]
      Calloused...

    One of the reasons I love reading what you write is that you have a knack for wording and rhythm/rhyme devices, but more importantly, you have this skill for making the tone of the piece almost the opposite of the tone of the meaning. I'm sure I blew the explanation of that, lemme try again.

    This piece, if you take it phrase by phrase, with no regard for the whole, is a very depressing, sad, suicidal piece... but when read as a whole, it's bordering on upbeat... like, "hey, everything is [censored], everything sucks, wanna go get ice cream?"

    I love that. It makes honest writing palatable in a new, interesting, and highly original way. Kick-ass...
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]


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    105088

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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