[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Foreverdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 320
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2000


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The blood shot eye of a dead man
    is staring down from a seething pool of pitch,
    the black wind is howling
    the syrupy soot into dancing shadows

    capering forms mock the still dying peasants
    impaled and moaning
    lining the red road of the undead.
    And fastened within my mind an evil of the darker kind,
    upon the
    of my tortured soul.

    Oh cry havoc, I rail against the chaos of the coming night,
    the blight of the insane tapestry that has become my bane.
    But it is no use, I am consumed by the feeding frenzy of the disease.
    I long only to sate my hunger in a feast of blood.
    To kiss
    dying lips

    and quench my thirst within the hot pulse of life.
    It was then I saw Her,
    quite enchanting really;
    gibbering inanely
    her body wracked by convulsions of terror,
    dirty disheveled and bleeding.
    But with a purity and innocence,
    an almost
    Angelic countenance, a beauty that I wished to possess for eternity.

    How she had escaped the horde I do not know,
    but I do believe that in me she saw an even greater nemesis,
    for her vacant eyes locked upon mine
    and she skittered back
    with just a touch of drool dangling off her exquisite chin;
    some faint spark of reason
    knew me,
    for the thing I am.

    And I believe she would have chosen death in that instant,
    Rather than the fate I had planned.

    Oh, but I fastened my gaze upon her,
    I drank of her beauty within.
    I caressed her with my longing,
    And I devoured her purity of soul.

    Then my lips met her quivering moist skin,
    I sipped,
    I savored,
    I became so enraptured by the pulsating Nectar,
    I decided to keep her ...forever.

    Submitted on 2006-05-29 07:22:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You have such a wonderfully diverse vocabulary. There's so much depth in the layers of this write. Open to interpretation as so many of the words used have double or multiple meanings, only hints given in the context.

    I must have read this five times. At first it came across as creepy, then romantic...dark...passionate...deep...full of longing.

    The scene described comes across as very hellish and wearisome, like a dirty dive bar (lol), an out of control bush party, or the scene of some terrible accident, etc...hell on earth.

    Then comes this woman in the scene that in her own ignorance and perhaps inexperience possesses a naivety that translates into an innocence that the jaded narrarator feels a longing to connect with, in the only way he knows how, by contaminating her with his own overpowering lust.

    If I'm way off, I apologize. I found this write quite intellectually and emotionally stimulating. The only criticism I can provide is that there are alot of "I" statements at the end, which I'm sure you're already aware of.
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice piece of work! It is like a fantastic short story written in blank verse. I find the style very mature, the story is very well planned, with a beggining, culmination and a gothic end. I find it very concise, so I don't know if there is anything I can say that is not already written in it. I like auto-referencial works, especially poems, which leave me with a feeling of black and red inside me and keep my mind busy in another level. :) What more can I say?

    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by evangelina | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]