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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can Binddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SayJay
    ASL Info:    22 yrs/Female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    6.97 - 46/38/18
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 903



    Description:
       This poem is somewhat abstract and broad. It is an attempt to describe that feeling when you can sometimes seem overwhelmed by all of the beauty in this world co-existing with all of the pain, and your pulse quickens as though it is almost too much to bare. So quite fankly, it is a poem about the human experence referred to as life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan Binddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ropes can bind, and then you'll find,
    That what I need, is not to grieve.
    And maybe then, you will begin,
    To understand, and take my hand.

    One more night, to set things right,
    To look unto bliss, awaiting a last kiss.
    One more day, to their dismay,
    For all partake, and then forsake.

    Hear me now, please me somehow,
    All I will ask, is completing the task.
    I yearn to live, and for all to give,
    A little hope, so the weak may cope.

    One more sleep, but not too deep,
    So I can think, and my life link.
    One more wake, but nothing's at stake,
    So I can rupture, with pure rapture.

    Ropes can bind, reluctance will wind,
    All that is me, into a dry sea.
    Love surrenders, and hate becomes menders,
    And fade now my soul, the story too old.




    Submitted on 2006-05-29 09:41:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this poem. You painted a beautiful picture with this poem. I liked the ending. It sort of brought everything to a close. I hope that you can write more like this one. I'm also adding this to my favorites.

    Glen
    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by usglen | [ Reply to This ]
      Though I do like the meaning behind the poem, it is difficult for me to... get into the flow of the meter when it rhymes so suddenly, so choppily. Perhaps the staccato nature of the poem is intentional, and if it is, I salute you, however, I think that you would find a much better response were the rhymes within the piece better spaced, perhaps done in an ABAB fashion rather than an AABB style. I understand that in this poem, it is near impossible to rearrange the sentences, since the second parts almost always link to the first, but I'm also aware that you write more than sparingly, and could easily apply this knowledge to whichever work you choose to pursue next. I also think that the rhetorical nature of the poem, displayed through lines such as:
    "Ropes can bind, reluctance will wind,
    All that is me, into a dry sea.
    Love surrenders, and hate becomes menders,
    And fade now my soul, the story too old."
    could be editted, for example, to read:
    "Ropes can bind, reluctance winds,
    all that is me into the sea
    Love surrenders, hate will blend your soul
    with mine as I digress from this cruel world to nothingness."
    Of course... I changed most of the lines, because to revamp the current poem is near impossible due to the rigid structure, and that is NOT a bad thing by any means. There is no poem in existence that can be bona fide "bad," nor am I insinuating that it is anywhere close to BEING bad. I simply think that through editting/re-writing, this good poem could become excellent, or better.

    Until our paths should chance to meet once more.

    Fade
    | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by Fade ElBrunen | [ Reply to This ]



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