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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: paradisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret kisses
    ASL Info:    22/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 558/438/138
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 450



    Description:
       i wrote this when i was iether 15 or 16, for my school G.C.S.E's english coursework, i found it a couple of days ago, so i thought what the hell ill submit it,
    hope you like it, if you dont, it dont matter, its each to thier own init?
    kyrenia


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsparadisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i feel it deep inside of me,
    do you feel it too?
    its something that were blessed with,
    for us its something new.

    do you feel the pounding,
    of our every heart beat,
    we are given this special place,
    its our very own retreat.

    its something better than pretty,
    and its way better than nice,
    its created only by us two,
    its our very own paradise.





    Submitted on 2006-05-29 16:44:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very sweet, honest and written with passion - I enjoyed reading this - well done.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      this one is ok. it's nice cuz it gives u such a feel good feeling. like nothing can go wrong. like everything is gonna be ok. u don't find that often in poetry. especially not on elite. a nice change
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      You used some great stanza's but you could need more detail, this is telling the point of paradise instead of discovering it as what it looks like and what you feel about it..... well overall it was like a C to a C -, you need to make it longer....

    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by Gmann | [ Reply to This ]


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