Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: paradisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret kisses
    ASL Info:    22/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 558/438/138
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 673
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 450



    Description:
       i wrote this when i was iether 15 or 16, for my school G.C.S.E's english coursework, i found it a couple of days ago, so i thought what the hell ill submit it,
    hope you like it, if you dont, it dont matter, its each to thier own init?
    kyrenia


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsparadisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i feel it deep inside of me,
    do you feel it too?
    its something that were blessed with,
    for us its something new.

    do you feel the pounding,
    of our every heart beat,
    we are given this special place,
    its our very own retreat.

    its something better than pretty,
    and its way better than nice,
    its created only by us two,
    its our very own paradise.





    Submitted on 2006-05-29 16:44:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very sweet, honest and written with passion - I enjoyed reading this - well done.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      this one is ok. it's nice cuz it gives u such a feel good feeling. like nothing can go wrong. like everything is gonna be ok. u don't find that often in poetry. especially not on elite. a nice change
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      You used some great stanza's but you could need more detail, this is telling the point of paradise instead of discovering it as what it looks like and what you feel about it..... well overall it was like a C to a C -, you need to make it longer....

    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by Gmann | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    105169

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry