Description: this is another challenge poem. this is a first draft that i spun out of my thoughts, but i'm not sure it says enough. all thoughts are welcome.
BEING ONLY -------------------------------------------
being an only child has it's benefits
you get constantly spoiled
and if you know how to play your cards right
you can make that go a long way
you can make a good case
for why you should be able
to stay up late on school nights
or have extra ice cream
or stay home from school on test day
but there are some drawbacks
you are left alone with aging parents
and there is no one to support you when
you finally decide to come out
and there's no one to help around the house
when you have to go to work and not worry
about dust on end tables
or bills that need to be paid
or dentist appointments long overdue
this is a very simmer 1st draft .../. the groove of the poem is somewhat slow and sluggish .../. maybie working at it --- from invisible views -- would bring out more emotion : run with this line:
Uh... This doesn't really seem at all poetic... I mean I'm sure it has a good meaning, but it really could have been carried out a little better. Right now it just seems empty. Like just shallow self pitty, or something of the like. No real emotion to separate it from any story book. And truthfully, I don't think I would read that book. I'm sorry for being harsh, but I feel that everyone deserves to at least hear an honest opinion, instead of BS comments. So keep trying, it gets easier.
Submission Name: BEING ONLY
