[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Eleven for the Run, One for the Staydots

    Author: Arev
    ASL Info:    17/M/Cal
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 13/31/21
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1202

       Well, I think this is my longest. I would like some help with this one. Its about Bruiser, a character from my story. this poem was inspired by an event I just finished writing.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEleven for the Run, One for the Staydots

    Edward William Preston
    The old hunter, him with the accent
    Their worlds collided
    Now with the stroke of his beard
    Now with words of wisdom
    He brings an element of experiance
    The hard look of years
    The hard look of age
    The hard look of...
    prevale upon his jolly face
    Bruiser they call him
    The hit man from his past
    Bruiser is simple not cluttered
    The belly of age, the grey hairs of life
    With the rifle resting in one arm he watches
    Watches Brad
    The young un
    A pull of the trigger and he unleashes death
    Death upon his foes
    And life upon his friends?
    Eleven for the Run
    One for the stay
    He stayed that day
    He watched as his friends ran
    They ran under orders
    One for the stay
    The first of the Food Runners to fall
    But not the last
    Bruiser knew
    Why stay crossed his mind that day
    The one voice in his head replied
    "Because, your time is up and theirs is yet to come"
    Yet to come, so young
    And I am so old
    He pumps the shotgun

    Submitted on 2006-05-29 22:03:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I read it twice... I read the description, but I still don't get it. Why is this guy sitting with a gun on his lap? Who's running when there are two people there? Is Preston Bruisor?
    Your style is really good. Thanks for writing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Drink written by jjd
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]