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    dots Submission Name: When I Was Wrong...dots

    Author: sunset
    ASL Info:    21/F/Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 76/46/32
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1010
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1146

       Ever had one of those days when you say lots of things you don't mean & end up hurting someone & threatening your r/ship...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen I Was Wrong...dots

    My voice is barely a whisper
    You won’t turn to me
    Walking away from me
    I’m scrunched up on the floor
    You look with such distain
    I know that you are tired
    My tears are relentless
    My apologies too little
    Too late…
    You want an explanation
    For every thought and fear
    But sometimes I have nothing
    My silence frustrates you
    And I cannot help you
    Or us…
    When my head is clear
    I ask you to hold me
    Beg you to say my name
    To make it feel like
    Everything is ok
    But this morning you woke
    With cold inside your stare
    You wouldn’t touch me
    You barely looked at me
    My day is so tormented
    Run over and over
    The same silly scene
    The one where I am wrong
    Where you get mad and turn
    And everything feels worse
    My heart just aches for you
    My head says all the wrong things
    Tonight I want to see you
    So I know that it’s not over
    I want you to see me
    So you can just
    Hold me…

    Submitted on 2006-05-30 06:28:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I want to cry.
    the simplicity of the wording, the monaloge as it were, really portrays the desperateness of a person to be loveed no matter what,

    I feel a great sorrow for the character, I can just imagine the person it is being spoken to too, seeing them through your characters eyes, turining from them with a look of disgust.

    I wish you hadn't asked ,e to look at your work now.. I feel quite amateur in comparison.
    i can think of no ways to improve on this at all
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]

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