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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Was He Worth It?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: parabola
    ASL Info:    22/ F/ U.S.
    Elite Ratio:    7.86 - 193/93/15
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1605
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 792



    Description:
       this is in progress - this is the first thing I've really attempted to write in years. I know what I want to say, but not the most effective way to say it... I may submit eight thousand versions of this one poem. If anyone can help me w/it, I'd appreciate it. This is another one I felt weird about the structure and such... I'd love to get suggestions.

    As far as what I'm rambling about: I kissed a friend though I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. I told him the truth, and in his eyes I see what he's thinking. This is some of it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWas He Worth It?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Even in apologies she can't name it a mistake,
    regretting only this havoc she's incited.
    I scream, "I hope he was worth it!"
    While she leaves me
    for the heat of her memories,
    dreaming of his lips
    waking her up to the life she's been missing...
    at home with me.

    Nothing more than a kiss
    though it felt like a fuck;
    she had to come home and admit...
    Never calling it a mistake,
    her apologies are limited
    to "I'm sorry I hurt you"
    but for no more than that.

    Feels like I'm
    yelling at a stranger,
    and when I kiss her
    she slips away...

    She's giving me my answer:
    He was.




    Submitted on 2006-05-30 12:46:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Jessica I love this.
    My favorite line was

    'While I scream, "I hope he was worth it!"
    she leaves me for the heat of her memories'

    I also like how you wrote it from another point of view as if you seeing it from the guys side.

    ---kim

    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by chemberdan | [ Reply to This ]
      it was good, but it was more... one of those poems that give you crazy visions of some betty paigish girl in white underwear and too perfect red lipstick crying next to a cracked mirror.. one of those unreal untouchable moments that happen to people all the time but the memories are always much more vivid than the actual event. the kind of memory that makes you think of red and hazy orange. because you always think "honesty" and then you regret it but you couldnt have not said it and you see faces looking down...life is supremely self-righteous. oh hey taramarie commented...her stuff rocks. oh yea thanks for the comments on uhh whatever title i gave it.. yea. the content not the title is whas important and i remember what i wrote but not what i named it..anyways thanks.and good job.
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      oh man, that was good.
    i was confused at first with who was who. or the relationships, but i see it now...goddamn. ouch. that was good. the kind that gives you aches.
    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by taramarie | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there are many poems i read everyday many i write but by far the is one of the best short poems i have ever read in my life. I love short poems it shows how much emotion someone can reveal in such little words and you did not fail. You can tell that she wants to be angry at her but she just cant help but love and miss her no matter what knowing she made that mistake but also she is sayiong he was worth it. You paint a perfect picture in these lines
    for the heat of her memories,
    dreaming of his lips
    waking her up to the life she's been missing...
    There has been things they both went through in their life and together they were happy and things were right but then this happens it is a true heartbreaking love story and it is done to perfection i wouldnt change anything about it very good write. Ill be back for more.
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      that was so impressive, I wasn't expecting to read what i wish I could say right now, I'll most definatly have to read more of your writing after this one, I Loved it. so relatable, and I Loved how honest and realistic you were...so many ppl "love" someone and then as soon as that person breaks their heart they become "another mistake" but I know (especially right now in my life) what it feels like to not be able to get mad and say it was a mistake, because the bigger part of you knows that it wasn't a mistake at all, that the only mistake was ending it. good write, take care and keep writing:)
    peace
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending eluded me until the second reading...when i suddenly remembered the title. Wow Jessica, this is well done. The most outstanding aspect of this poem to me is how you adopt his perspective for the telling of it. So heartfelt, probing, and insightful. Its the highest order of confession...being able to look in through the outside.

    Your style is immediate and pertinent. In much the same way as twacky's work...your poems have crisis built right into them. Crisis which he, no doubt, can relate to. (has a hard time keeping his pecker in his pants, that guy)

    You are fast becoming a favorite read of mine here on elite.

    Keep writing...it will sustain you.
    all my best,
    <e.
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Olaf | [ Reply to This ]
      dude...
    this is an amazing through the eyes of your boy write...
    im pretty crap at through the eyes of another writes... they always sound so cheap and cliché when i try it...

    Even in apologies she can't name it a mistake,

    i LOVE this line...like seriously...
    when one "cheats" on someone usually they will say anything to stop them from leaving but this is not the case in this write...
    while you dont call it a mistake you dont say that it was intirely not mistake either though...
    i know that reading between the lines is what hurt people are best at doing though...

    theres the whole in and out of the present reality throughout this write...
    your boy is watching you thinking you are thinking about the kiss... its not necessary that you are but to him thats what hes decided...

    its interesting that this is from a boys perspective... i dunno...it seems too sensitive to me to be from a boy LOL but its completely wonderful you know...

    man... this aint a real life situation i wanna be finding myself in... good luck with all that...
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting way to put an end on love. I appreciate the way you Q & A'd the title and last line. Its simple yet thought provoking. I will most definitely read more of your work.

    -Joan
    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by ccbbyblue | [ Reply to This ]
      Fabulous effing ending, my friend.

    I love how it ties back to the question asked in the beginning and how simple, yet unbelievably powerful and tragic, it is stated: "He was." Amazing.

    You have done a great job here at showing us the situation through his eyes. It belies a very high level of insight into people and their reactions on your part.

    This was beautifully worded through-out, but the end two words still had me completely floored.

    Excellent.

    drowning_queen

    (and since I don't particularly mind excess, I'm faving it as well)
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      that was so impressive, I wasn't expecting to read what i wish I could say right now, I'll most definatly have to read more of your writing after this one, I Loved it. so relatable, and I Loved how honest and realistic you were...so many ppl "love" someone and then as soon as that person breaks their heart they become "another mistake" but I know (especially right now in my life) what it feels like to not be able to get mad and say it was a mistake, because the bigger part of you knows that it wasn't a mistake at all, that the only mistake was ending it. good write, take care and keep writing:)
    peace
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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