Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deaths NightCapdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 22
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 196



    Description:
       resubmit of pink liquid


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeaths NightCapdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slipping, slither
    slide....

    Shimmer, glimmer
    glide....

    Caress like silk
    voluptuous lips

    Choked to death
    with a liquid kiss




    Submitted on 2006-05-30 23:23:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A Dark meaningful fancy! but you only wrote the idea, and although as a poet I love that, all the same most readers want a story ... the story would be a metaphor for the idea, when you found the story for it, it might be a personal discovery ... putting additional layers of work on a piece is always self-discovering. When it is difficult to start or we don't want to ... that's a window in the sky of strange windows ... they won't open for you. You open them.
    | Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I like this - you cram so much into just a few words, and give the reader a terrific picture. nice intensity here. I like that you use voluptuous; it really emphasizes her lips with all the other words being small. And 'liquid kiss' is a great ending. Excellent work.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      It was short, but very intense and passionate. I liked the rhyming thing you had going on here...it added extra emotion. The title was great, by the way. it's what drew me to read your poem. There's not a whole lot to say about this poem because it's so short, but I did enjoy it very much. Keep writing!

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    105379

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry