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    dots Submission Name: Deaths NightCapdots

    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 22
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 196

       resubmit of pink liquid

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeaths NightCapdots

    Slipping, slither

    Shimmer, glimmer

    Caress like silk
    voluptuous lips

    Choked to death
    with a liquid kiss

    Submitted on 2006-05-30 23:23:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A Dark meaningful fancy! but you only wrote the idea, and although as a poet I love that, all the same most readers want a story ... the story would be a metaphor for the idea, when you found the story for it, it might be a personal discovery ... putting additional layers of work on a piece is always self-discovering. When it is difficult to start or we don't want to ... that's a window in the sky of strange windows ... they won't open for you. You open them.
    | Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I like this - you cram so much into just a few words, and give the reader a terrific picture. nice intensity here. I like that you use voluptuous; it really emphasizes her lips with all the other words being small. And 'liquid kiss' is a great ending. Excellent work.


    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      It was short, but very intense and passionate. I liked the rhyming thing you had going on here...it added extra emotion. The title was great, by the way. it's what drew me to read your poem. There's not a whole lot to say about this poem because it's so short, but I did enjoy it very much. Keep writing!

    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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