wow...i love your style, and your fluency with that. your proficiency in this piece-tells me you've been writing using this style for a while.
i loved your use of spatial stancing here as well. there was never a part of this write that i thought could have been separated, and it played well into the relax, relapse theme.
as though i was opening my eyes, experiencing the same euphoria of chaos, close them only to be looking through another facet of the former.
this was my favorite stanza in this...
i swear the devil wore my face I swear the devil wore my face I swear the devil wore my face When he killed god that was like wow. never heard that used before, and never wuld've thought of it myself.
i'm more of a conventional poet, but ive always loved this style, and especially your level of mastery over it.
*sighs because he sounds like a fanboy lol* but you're good, i give that to you, you're good as stalked.
hmm, even as i sit here broken hearted from being ignored, i still find it impossible not to read or comment on your stuff. there are sooo many things that stick out like a growing bulge in a teenage boys pants, it's nothing short of incredible.
i swear the devil wore my face I swear the devil wore my face I swear the devil wore my face When he killed god
well, even though you do enjoy torturing yourself on certain things, i dont think you're the devil. though i have to admit that is a wicked stanza. the only thing that you know i have to point out is that God should be capitalized seeing as thats His name.
Memory is full
Overload overload System crashing
Fading in To fading out
Warning System failure, system crashing
this is an awesome ending. reminds me of me to be honest. i take everything...just keep taking taking taking, then down the line when there is nowhere else to stuff the pent up frustration, i have a system failure and crash like a junkie coming down from the cloud of smoke.
yeah, so very interesting to say the least. i'm a bit surprised that no one else has commented on this considering that 5 other people have looked at this before me.
i could have sworn i commented on this maybe i just thought about it or perhaps i read it and got distracted or something but i KNOW ive read this... so here comes the comment.
i love the way you present passing of time and also the cyclic nature of life... of pain... of addiction it also feels like a cycle of depression... getting out of it then getting sucked back into it and getting out again and the bits in between... kinda like you conquer something and you have to bust your gut to do it and then you relax thinking the battle has been won and dont realise until its too late that you actually werent at the top of that slippery slope and have slid back down again... too late to help yourself so the fight is back on again... its a viscious cycle...
And god I’m sorry but I don’t want this And angels I’m sorry but I’d just rather die
i think this is where i got the depression cycle idea as a theme throughout this piece.. it feels so suicidal to me in an unthreatening kinda way... i dunno...maybe my head is working in weird circles and i would read what the others said about it but im too tired to try so yeah... if im miles off im sorry...
but i like the sorry in this stanza bit... you are very sincere in whatever it is you are refusing... its not a smash it in your face kinda thing and i think thats what i meant about unthreatening suicide... do i make sense?
everythings a test beep beep
i like this... its so dismissing everything... i dunno... i guess i know how that works...
fading in in in fading out out out and all thats between these two lines is brilliant. a creative way of letting the reader inside a lil more... into a different thought stream of thought even though its part of the stream of the whole piece...
i love the idea of the devil stealing your face to kill god. firstly coz god is sposed to be immortal and second coz the devil is a coward and cant do anything without someone to hide behind...
im sorry heres your suitcase sounds better than the laughter... suitcases... time to leave... i HATE suitcases... ive lived out of one for 10 months and i am so looking forward to being home in a week and a half so i dont gotta do it no more... but being invited to leave rather than the laughter forcing you to leave... theres an intensity in this image for me...
Tear drop shatter Heart shard broken Smaller fragment Speck of black
And I swear I would still feel this way if you don’t understand
the first stanza there... tear dop etc is so broken and painful... so raw and pleading and the second stanza... i swear i would still feel this way... feels sarcastic to me... does anyone ever understand how you are feeling when you are so low and down and out... they say they know but really... it feels like a tongue and cheek kinda line to me...
i hope your doing ok and all... this is a really heavy feeling piece boy.
Submission Name: broken windows
that was like wow. never heard that used before, and never wuld've thought of it myself.