Description: i think this one's a re-post from when i was using another name (forgot the name and the password - stupid me!)
anyway, my boyfriend told me before we started going out that he was a big jerk, but i thought it was only for show, like flirting. turns out he really was telling the truth.
i don't like the line about "lying broken on the floor" but i couldn't think of anything else that rhymed. the stanzas get longer because i was feeling more desperate as i was writing it.
enjoy :)
make no mistake -------------------------------------------
make no mistake
i never said that i'd comply with all your stupid rules
and i never said that i would be your silly lover-fool
make no mistake
i said you couldn't trust me, i said i just don't care
i warned you not to count on me because i'm never there
make no mistake
if you don't tell me what you're thinking how am i to know
i'll exploit all your deepest fears but mine'll never show
make no mistake
you think that you've been cheated and i know that you feel hurt
but i don't have the time to care so let me just be curt
i never said i'd give my soul to you exclusively
just because you wanted it so you're to blame you see
you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more
and i can't wait to use you up and leave you broken on the floor
make no mistake
make no mistake i warned you and you knew it all along
that i could never love you because my heart is gone
the pain you feel is real enough but i've caused you no abuse
i only did what i said i'd do, and you wanted to be used
I got where you're coming from. It reminds me of the relationship that I am currently in. I made the deepest connection with these lines:
if you don't tell me what you're thinking how am i to know i'll exploit all your deepest fears but mine'll never show
It's hard to trust someone, and it seems that everyone fears what you describe here. I like the repetition "make no mistake." It lends arrogance to the character you paint. I really liked the fact that, despite your obvious pain and anger, the poem was consistent. That is, you didn't contradict yourself, and it flows nicely.
My only suggestion would be to change:
you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more and i can't wait to use you up and leave you broken on the floor
to
you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more and i can't wait to use you up and leave you on the floor
Take out "broken."
Well, those are my random thoughts. Hope it's of some use to you.
This is really good You sais stright from the start to this person that you didnt feel this was Love butr he tried to change you a relationship is destined for failure right from the start when it is based on changing someone You wrote this very well I look forward to reading more writes from you God Bless Ron
damn.... it's like getting decked in the face crossed with "i told you so" and no sympathy whatsoever... burned.... ouch... I have to admit, the theme was kick ass, the ryhming was on the dot and overall it rocked! Straight to faves!
i love this -- this reminds me of what someone recently said to me... and although it hurt to be told it kinda helped the pain fade. Anyway, I like the way this is written... how it kinda has a rhyme scheme and flow to it but in a subtle way. Anyway, I just like it... lol.
Submission Name: make no mistake
