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    dots Submission Name: make no mistakedots

    Author: GorgeousCorpse
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 19/17/9
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1582
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1286

       i think this one's a re-post from when i was using another name (forgot the name and the password - stupid me!)

    anyway, my boyfriend told me before we started going out that he was a big jerk, but i thought it was only for show, like flirting. turns out he really was telling the truth.

    i don't like the line about "lying broken on the floor" but i couldn't think of anything else that rhymed. the stanzas get longer because i was feeling more desperate as i was writing it.

    enjoy :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmake no mistakedots

    make no mistake
    i never said that i'd comply with all your stupid rules
    and i never said that i would be your silly lover-fool

    make no mistake
    i said you couldn't trust me, i said i just don't care
    i warned you not to count on me because i'm never there

    make no mistake
    if you don't tell me what you're thinking how am i to know
    i'll exploit all your deepest fears but mine'll never show

    make no mistake
    you think that you've been cheated and i know that you feel hurt
    but i don't have the time to care so let me just be curt
    i never said i'd give my soul to you exclusively
    just because you wanted it so you're to blame you see
    you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more
    and i can't wait to use you up and leave you broken on the floor

    make no mistake
    make no mistake i warned you and you knew it all along
    that i could never love you because my heart is gone
    the pain you feel is real enough but i've caused you no abuse
    i only did what i said i'd do, and you wanted to be used

    make no mistake

    Submitted on 2006-05-31 11:25:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I got where you're coming from. It reminds me of the relationship that I am currently in. I made the deepest connection with these lines:

    if you don't tell me what you're thinking how am i to know
    i'll exploit all your deepest fears but mine'll never show

    It's hard to trust someone, and it seems that everyone fears what you describe here. I like the repetition "make no mistake." It lends arrogance to the character you paint. I really liked the fact that, despite your obvious pain and anger, the poem was consistent. That is, you didn't contradict yourself, and it flows nicely.

    My only suggestion would be to change:

    you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more
    and i can't wait to use you up and leave you broken on the floor


    you're too trusting and assuming and you're childish and more
    and i can't wait to use you up and leave you on the floor

    Take out "broken."

    Well, those are my random thoughts. Hope it's of some use to you.

    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good
    You sais stright from the start to this person that you didnt feel this was Love butr he tried to change you
    a relationship is destined for failure right from the start when it is based on changing someone
    You wrote this very well
    I look forward to reading more writes from you
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      damn.... it's like getting decked in the face crossed with "i told you so" and no sympathy whatsoever... burned.... ouch... I have to admit, the theme was kick ass, the ryhming was on the dot and overall it rocked! Straight to faves!
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this -- this reminds me of what someone recently said to me... and although it hurt to be told it kinda helped the pain fade. Anyway, I like the way this is written... how it kinda has a rhyme scheme and flow to it but in a subtle way. Anyway, I just like it... lol.
    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]

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