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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Horse Heavendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BigDreams
    ASL Info:    17, female,Ontario Canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 32/27/18
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 141
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 771



    Description:
       I wrote this awhile ago, I was 12 or 13.
    This is my first post on EliteSkills, I hope it works.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Horse Heavendots
    -------------------------------------------


    In Horse Heaven

    He Might have been famous,
    or a childs first pony.
    Maybe a great dressage horse,
    or the sire of many foals.

    Whoever he is, this is his time.

    Maybe disease stole him away,
    or old age got the best of him.
    Maybe even the meat man selfishly took his life.

    But know that he will never feel pain again.

    For his life now
    is lived on meadows of lush green grass;
    where rivers run clear.
    Where the sun never sleeps
    and apples are plenty.

    Cry, my friend, because you miss him.
    Not because he suffered,
    For he is in a better place.
    His soul will forever rest;
    In Horse Heaven.




    Submitted on 2006-05-31 16:11:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, this is a well done poem from a poetic sense and it is so warm and soothing ... for a child, certainly, but no less effective ... a very wonderful and sweet write ... I loved it !! bravo ...bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-05-18 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I will be honest and say I know nada about Horses. I liked the imagery you used to put the reader in the better place he had gone. The flow and the rhyme could of been worked on a bit more, It felt it was forced in some places, so now that you have grown older and wiser, revisit the piece and see what grows. Sometimes going back and revisiting a writing, you end up going in a direction that was not possible the first time.

    Loved the line:Where the sun never sleeps
    and apples are plenty.

    It gave me images of happy green meadows and the wonderfull smell of summer as it blooms its fruit.

    good work, these are just suggestions, so feel free to ignore them, :')

    take care,
    Michelle


    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by Fey | [ Reply to This ]
      Woah... even a person who is so sick of horses for school reasons would love it...I DID!!!! you really seem to be on your way. However my personal belief is that good poetry flows with out the use of punctuation... so try to let it flow, ok?
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by cyco_chic | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked ths one too. its well written but in a few places it felt a little forced. even people who dont have horses and dont no anything about then can enjoy this poem. it really good keep it up and u write about horses a lot i've noticed
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by gothfreak | [ Reply to This ]



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