Description: I wrote this and other poems in class for a little game we did. I had about 5 minutes to write this. It's supposed to have a lot of imagery.
Stomach drops,
I left it on the ground again,
hands shake,
I grip harder.
Here I go don't blink
The air smells clean up here
I wish I could stay here.
It's so far down,
world is spinning
freefall
You do have plenty of imagery in this poem, but is that the entire point of it? The direction that you are going in here seems to be extremely unclear to me, at first when you say: "Stomach drops" It seems that you are talking about being afraid of something and that you try to keep it together, but when you continue on with this piece you seem to go in a completely differant direction by saying the lines: "It's so far down, world is spinning freefall" Here it seems that you are observing the world as it is so the general direction of your piece eludes me, maybe it is that you aren't ready to do something and you exclude the fact that you are about to do it anyways, I'm not sure, but you DO definitely have wonderful imagery in this piece, I think that the most graphic and relatable of these is when you talk about the world spinning, we harldy recognize the fact that we are on a spinning ball of dirt and saltwater but when we are told that it seems to be one of the most striking images that you could submit, As always IMHO <3TheGentlemanWhore
Submission Name: Scream
