Description: You sometimes just can't get what someone did to you out of your head. Near the end it is kinda clichéd, sorry but i just got pissed and couldn't think of anything else. So sorry if this sucks.
I Bled for You -------------------------------------------
Take a walk
through the isles
of a withered memory.
A single corpse
that represents
a flawed mentality.
Poisoned thorns
have pierced the flesh
with cold reality.
Sands of love
polluting lungs
with feigned lucidity.
Angels with
serrated grins
laughing wickedly
at the life
they've implanted
seeds of misery.
Bitter tears
drip down my cheeks.
They burn like acid rain.
Look beyond
the razor scars,
past the severed veins.
Bleak despair
from your betrayel
has rendered me insane.
Shattered dreams
of redemption
bleed down a fucking drain.
The filthy blood
I spilt for you
was all in fucking vain.
wow this was a good write and beyond that, as your descrip. kinda got into I think it was just something you needed to do, I really did like it tho, after a while everything becomes slightly cliché what matters is that it has some truth or emotion or depth to it and I'm never disappointed with your writes in that way, you're an awesome writer and you have alot to say, good stuff, keep writing ((wish I could, damn writers block)) peace
This was awesome Faith...the way you formatted your poem, it made it go faster, well, more like set the pace of it.... I don't think there was a line in here that I disliked...it was just a well paced, well written, and over-all great write. It's going in my favorite's. Sorry if I don't have much to say today...I'm having like an off day...haha
Wow, in one of your poems, I said I don't like suicide themes, but I have to say, I liked it in this one. Again, I loved your way with words, and when you don't get too lunatic with words (like in the laboratory/surgery themed poems), it's awesome. I liked this line "Poisoned thorns have pierced the flesh with cold reality." Because that's when I started to get into the poem and realize the awesome wording you used. Even if there's a lot of angst going on in this, I loved it for some reason. Also, I liked the end, because it just seems like the perfect final line. This goes into my favorites, and you're becoming one of my favorite writers too!
loved the pace of this one. the words went together so well, and just fit. towards the end you did get a little clichéd, but it works. You have some great rhymes in here, both slant and straight. those rhymes make it all fit together better, and flow amazing. the end seemed a little abrupt, but it went good with the rest of the piece.
Take a walk through the isles of a withered memory. A single corpse that represents a flawed mentality. Poisoned thorns have pierced the flesh with cold reality. Sands of love polluting lungs with feigned lucidity.
this had to be my fav part. i love how you used the words ever 3 lines...memory, mentality, reality, lucidity...wow. great write:) ~Nichole
Submission Name: I Bled for You
