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    dots Submission Name: I Bled for Youdots

    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 875
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 830

       You sometimes just can't get what someone did to you out of your head. Near the end it is kinda clichéd, sorry but i just got pissed and couldn't think of anything else. So sorry if this sucks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Bled for Youdots

    Take a walk
    through the isles
    of a withered memory.
    A single corpse
    that represents
    a flawed mentality.
    Poisoned thorns
    have pierced the flesh
    with cold reality.
    Sands of love
    polluting lungs
    with feigned lucidity.
    Angels with
    serrated grins
    laughing wickedly
    at the life
    they've implanted
    seeds of misery.

    Bitter tears
    drip down my cheeks.
    They burn like acid rain.
    Look beyond
    the razor scars,
    past the severed veins.
    Bleak despair
    from your betrayel
    has rendered me insane.
    Shattered dreams
    of redemption
    bleed down a fucking drain.
    The filthy blood
    I spilt for you
    was all in fucking vain.

    Submitted on 2006-05-31 20:31:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow this was a good write and beyond that, as your descrip. kinda got into I think it was just something you needed to do, I really did like it tho, after a while everything becomes slightly cliché what matters is that it has some truth or emotion or depth to it and I'm never disappointed with your writes in that way, you're an awesome writer and you have alot to say, good stuff, keep writing ((wish I could, damn writers block))
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was awesome Faith...the way you formatted your poem, it made it go faster, well, more like set the pace of it....
    I don't think there was a line in here that I disliked...it was just a well paced, well written, and over-all great write. It's going in my favorite's.
    Sorry if I don't have much to say today...I'm having like an off day...haha

    | Posted on 2006-06-05 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, in one of your poems, I said I don't like suicide themes, but I have to say, I liked it in this one. Again, I loved your way with words, and when you don't get too lunatic with words (like in the laboratory/surgery themed poems), it's awesome. I liked this line "Poisoned thorns
    have pierced the flesh
    with cold reality." Because that's when I started to get into the poem and realize the awesome wording you used. Even if there's a lot of angst going on in this, I loved it for some reason. Also, I liked the end, because it just seems like the perfect final line. This goes into my favorites, and you're becoming one of my favorite writers too!
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by April0414 | [ Reply to This ]
      loved the pace of this one. the words went together so well, and just fit. towards the end you did get a little clichéd, but it works. You have some great rhymes in here, both slant and straight. those rhymes make it all fit together better, and flow amazing. the end seemed a little abrupt, but it went good with the rest of the piece.

    Take a walk
    through the isles
    of a withered memory.
    A single corpse
    that represents
    a flawed mentality.
    Poisoned thorns
    have pierced the flesh
    with cold reality.
    Sands of love
    polluting lungs
    with feigned lucidity.

    this had to be my fav part. i love how you used the words ever 3 lines...memory, mentality, reality, lucidity...wow. great write:) ~Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
      umm.. wow tht was really good. idk wat else to say but wow tht was really good and powerful
    | Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by od9.1.04 | [ Reply to This ]

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