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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Art Of A Teardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 481
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1299



    Description:
       I know this isn't toogood so help me with it. It feels unfinished to me. On the other hand, every time I say I don't like it very much you all say it's fine. Tell me what you think!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Art Of A Teardots
    -------------------------------------------


    A crystal shard drips
    From its ancient resting place,
    And falls to the ground.
    But in that moment
    Between air and impact,
    I can see the art,
    The art of a tear.

    Its multi-faceted surface
    Reflects on the soul
    And all its light
    Cuts us deep.
    In all its beauty,
    It still makes us cry.

    It is like a dagger
    Being pushed through our soul,
    Eventually it surfaces
    Only to cut a path down our face.
    It is how the soul bleeds
    When it is pierced too deep.
    It is proof of mortality,
    And yet we deny it.

    But, at the same time,
    We cherish every last one.
    Because all this pain
    Reminds us to be strong.
    It reminds us
    That we still feel.
    We wait for the day,
    When they all we be washed away,

    Yes,
    We do bleed.
    But it helps.
    So hold every last drop
    And wait.

    But for now
    I’ll admire the art.
    For you are the artist
    And I am simply a canvas.
    Paint me dry,
    But I need the moisture.
    So cut me anyway,
    You know you want it.
    A knife and a paintbrush,
    What’s the difference?




    Submitted on 2004-05-12 15:40:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      (gah! third time now that i'm commenting on this since my comp keeps kicking me off!) First of all... i DON'T think that talking to yourself is the way to go, my Spiffy little friend. Secondly, as usual this is a great write. The concept is interesting and is wrapped up in a beautiful title and wonderful imagery. BUT! in the second stanza, the apostrophes oughtn't be there (as it would make the contraction of: it is, and i think that you're going for the possessive meaning, correct me if i'm wrong..) also, in the 4th stanza: a comma after "but" (demon comma child strikes again!!! MWAHAHAH!) and, as always, this DOES seem finished to me. (at least you started to get the clue that you're wrong every time you say that in your description = good boy, you're catching on! - dandan is ALWAYS right...lol. j/k) so... anywho, otherwise this was just awesome and i think you did a job well done... (darn you!)just one thing that i ask of you: PLEASE stop talking to yourself -- it just isn't good for you!!! lol.
    -dandan (aka dcc)
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm mad at you, spiffy. You write so much better than me. Anyways, I like this one. Don't tell anyone that knows me. It would ruin my Rep. Just kidding. But I do like this one.
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]



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