Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: playcrackthesky
ASL Info:    21/f/IA
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463 /457 /88
Words: 65
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1411
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 472


even though shit happens, life will go on


Raindrops fill the contours of your face
consuming time reserved for life
drizzling down your forearms
where I used to lay between.

Raindrops sprinkle the grass above your grave
consuming life for death
drizzling past your chilling body
where shall I lay now?

Raindrops feed the glowing lily
consuming sadness as it grows
drizzling life to thirsty leaves
where our love will lay.

Submitted on 2006-06-01 15:04:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  this is so beautiful on many different levels.
i think more so for me coz its a real experience in my life... my love is dead where now shall i lay...

i love the rain...
rain is so sensual and romantic in my world...
nothing heals like rain... theres a song by heather nova called london rain and its so beautiful...

when somebody loves you theres no comfort like that
when somebody needs you theres no drug like that

anyways... yeah...
you know... i would lose the between at the end of the first stanza... i dont know... it just seems excess to me...

i love the use of drizzling...
i HATE drizzle you know...
its not real rain... it soaks you right through and gives you the chills as does the emotion in this poem...
youve written this so well and while it may not be a literal write (lets pray it isnt) on some level or anything it perfect and something most people have experienced somehow or other...

take care of you beautiful girl...
| Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  This stuck me as rather emotional, which it obviously is but I think it can be interpretted in many different ways.

There's the obvious young love comparison but when I read more, I began to compare to things such as family losses or even the loss of a close friend seeing as love can mean so much more than at face value.

My favourite part of the write was the first stanza because I found it so captivating that I had to read on and thus ended up in a comment, which is nice because I don't tend to make a lot of them these days.

Thanks for posting and writing this lovely piece and have a brilliant day.

| Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, Steph, I quite fancy this!

You have the right feel for the story, and I really enjoy the constants in each stanza, the raindrops in the three locations/times, what they consume, where they drizzle to, and the "lay" which brings you into the story each time.

Very nicely thought out, this is superb poetry, a morbid theme perhaps, but tell E A Poe to lighten up! lol and, of course, you are painting a future here, so it's not all dark.

Excellent work, I loved it!

be happy

| Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... that is quite beautiful. Simple and delicate and lovely, just like a lily indeed ^_____^ i really do love it's simplicity. It's got the right balance of emotion and visual, too... good job. ~Cora
| Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really beautiful
I have always had a love affair with the rain
I really liked how you expressed the rains love by speaking of how it replenishs the ground your loved ones body now lays in supplying new life
The way you worded that is beautiful
I certainly look forward to reading new writes from you
God Bless

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
| Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  you know I read this a couple times, and gone back to it, then gone back to it again, and this is about my favorite pieces by you, your writings are getting better and better with every one that you put out there. from this I got the tragedy, the sadness, then of life in the plant, not only a plant but a know floriculture and horticulture quite, and the lily was perfect. something about them are always comforting. hey anyway, i liked this immensely.

take care,
| Posted on 2006-07-20 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?