Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Decrepit Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoveToHateMe
    ASL Info:    20/girl/Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 175/148/42
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1098



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDecrepit Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    There are cracks in every wall
    and these cobwebs line the ceiling.
    I'm left with hesitation
    and this wallpaper is peeling.
    I must have lost you in some dark corner
    because I�m sitting here without you.
    Maybe there�s something I could do
    but I�m not sure if I want to.
    Every shadow�s following me
    as I go to pry this window open.
    Looking out at the dark sky
    from this place that I�m stuck in.
    I lay back down on the floor
    where it�s so damp and cold.
    Watching the ceiling crumble
    in this building that�s so old.
    Light shines in from the moon
    and illuminates your face.
    I get close to kiss your lips
    but I only feel an empty space.
    It feels just like mine...
    I guess you could never feel it all.
    Beneath my skin, behind these eyes
    watch this building fall.
    Decrepit, like I really am
    Finally crashing to the ground
    This is how I felt inside
    when I wouldn't make a sound.





    Submitted on 2006-06-02 11:57:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a well written and expressed poem. I think you have done a good job with this and the emotion and feelings behind the words are real to the reader as they read this. (or at least I think so) You capture the loneliness and the hurt with a sense of longing yet uncertainty as well. This feeling of being lost without that special someone in your life is really tough. I have been there. It sucks. But as far as this poem goes, it is very well done. You express your feelings well while at the same time you provide the reader with some good imagery which gives insight into the depth of the sadness. Very nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      There have been many times when I have felt this way. The only difference is that I have never had that person to at least hope he would be there. I have been alone for most of my life and now once in a while there are rays of sun in that cold abyss.

    Loneliness is not such a bad thing. It all depends on how you look at it. There are so many things to look at, so many things to see that there seems to be no escape for the troubles that always remain. We could sit still and wait for the house to destroy.

    I am distracted at the moment. Your poem made quite an impact. I feel like this at the moment. There are too many emotions in my heart to truly describe them. Let me go breathe for a while and then I will comment on the poem once again with a clear mindset. After all that is what your poem deserves.
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooo I'm a little teary now. Thats so sad.
    You really have a way with words, Samm.

    "I must have lost you in some dark corner
    because Im sitting here without you.
    Maybe theres something I could do
    but Im not sure if I want to."

    Could that have been said any better? I don't think so.

    "Light shines in from the moon
    and illuminates your face.
    I get close to kiss your lips
    but I only feel an empty space.
    It feels just like mine
    But I guess you could never feel it all."

    When I read that, it felt like someone unfolded a paperclip and shoved it it my heart.
    I LOVE poems that do that

    I'm still sad, but it'll pass.
    Once again, your talent has managed to fascinate me.

    Youre awesome Samm.

    Love always
    The wind beneath your wings
    -Bellmort... Agent Bellmort
    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      "Decrepit" I love that word. Been so long since I've seen it used too. It almost seems as though you went out of your way for this to rhyme. I like how you put it together, but it almost seems kinda cymetrical. It's kinda lacking colour and could benefit from some more descriptiveness. All in all, not bad though
    | Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    105693

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry