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I once believed in S. Morgenstern, pink pearls and girlish bows on clips in highlighted locks of curly hair. I once thought Leonardo was merely a painter, that Axel was still alive and kickin'. And once upon a dream I figured that storm would pass, that sun would peak, but its shyness prevailed, until now. See, now the sun plays hide and seek, holding stomachs growling of hunger in odorous asphalt alleys, two bars on my cell phone and the damn battery's almost dead. Not darkness, just an atmospheric murkiness. But my lipstick's still red, my heels high, and there's more than waterproof makeup that spoils the rain. Can I run? Sure. Will I? Piano keys and Mr. Potato Heads, a plastic world to feast on. Pumps and hoochies hanging on a moment, or a corner off Main. Vicodin capsules swiveling down loos in London, artists befriending beggars as they search for meaning, streets of striped thespians. Charlie Chaplin never stood a chance. Bonsoir et bonne chance, you bastard of a world. |
This is very, very well written! I like all of the different aspects of your feelings that you incorperated and impersonated using stationary objects. The addition of the poets' & artists' names also added to the streetwise "urban" feel of the poem. Great job on the sensory detail, too - it really allows the reader to step into the world of the writer. The only thing I would work on would be transitions. To me, each of the stanzas could stand as their own mini-poems, and therefore aren't connected/reliant enough on the others. Try adding in a reaccuring word or phrase to maybe tie things up, or even just rearrange the way you put the sections together. I like it, keep working!| Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by EclecticEntropy | [ Reply to This ] | |