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    dots Submission Name: Big Wide Riverdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 906
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1245

       Silence is cold
    silence is golden
    silence is a stone
    stitched to my tongue...

    Manon Lescaut was the subject of a Puccini opera. The Manon Lescaux I mention here is NOT that character.This Manon is a symbolic representation of romance novelists as bulk writers that derive material from research rather than experience. Bon apetit.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBig Wide Riverdots

    Oh, look!
    There goes the amazing
    romantic poetess
    Manon Lescaux, who holds
    the unique distinction
    of writing more
    books than she's
    ever read!

    What an insightful education
    such a whirling Bohemian
    wordsmith could offer
    the average juggler
    of words, toiling
    over a psalter of gold;
    tapping each pristine
    phrase with
    a tiny hammer
    to capture
    the perfect note.

    Perhaps we try
    too hard to dissever
    a legend's fame
    from the plankton
    circling to worship
    the enthroned average
    bound to each
    name. Enjoy
    the view as old men
    gather the dust of ancient
    kingdoms to grace the edges
    of the afternoon, swarming
    with her number to inscribe
    what they never knew.

    And perhaps the new/old mantra's
    true, the syllabus and the notes
    no more a benizon than keyboard
    strokes and alcohol and dreams
    that flirt with fame, haunted eddies
    that swirl toward a larger stream...

    A dollop of honey-
    sunk in the soul of the sea.

    Submitted on 2006-06-02 23:30:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Bill, I had lots of images whilst reading this, one was a writer living on reputation, adored by the masses of aspiring writers who gather round in circles, hoping for crumbs of brilliance and ooh ahhing in veneration.

    I also saw a lesson in there, like the wood/trees adage, and got a good giggle from the tiny hammer scene...losing the plot in the drive for asonic perfection...am I so guilty of that? I guess so. Tainted I am.

    You have unknowingly put a lot of what I can confess to in this. I slightly disagree with David, I would have got into it despite the fact that i've not heard of Mme. Lascoux.

    As always, well worth dropping in and reading your thoughts. Excellent poem.

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thoughts... OK. I think what you've written is going to be lost on those who do not know who Manon Lescaux is. Of course, that's a risk every writer takes when they try to incorporate an Other into a poem. Especially as just a name. We take it for granted that our audience is as educated or as knowing as we are. And we are often surprised that others don't know what we do.... assuming that what we know everybody should know. I imagine I'm guilty of it too, as I think about it.
    I think for the most part the lineation of your poem is strong. Each line seems to end strongly with the exception of
    "phrase with"
    I think ending that line on a 'with' weakens it among your other lines that all end on a noun or verb... idea or action.
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]

    I seem to notice that your poems level of complexity is very high. Nonetheless, you are a hell of a writer bringing profound thoughts into a person's mind and causing them to reflect on greater things and more importantly to observe the life of others who are known by true readers and writers.

    I, for one, am as David said: one of the those that don't know of this Manon. Ashamedly, I admit it. LOL. Well, all in a day's work. I have you to thank for it...now I can go and research such a name.

    It rung like Edgar Allen Poe who had vision within his writing and had spoken of things perhaps you and I have never seen, but only heard of....

    Your imagery is stout and word structure massive. Your scope on others is peculiar and straighforward. Of course, this is a cry to all who engage in any form of writing...I dare say a beckoning to poets, writers, journalist, editors and so forth to think deeper and write more meaningful scripts, poems, or stories.

    Of all, my favorite lines were these:

    "...as old men
    gather the dust of ancient
    kingdoms to grace the edges
    of the afternoon, swarming
    with her number to inscribe
    what they never knew."

    We seldom write about what we know and when we do write we jot down the things that we have never experienced. So how then can we write so vividly a piece without knowing? Will it carry the same power as those who have actually lived it? Hmmm....

    I so believe that your pieces are so English Literature oriented. Do you read this type of literature? I also take delight in reading your pieces.... To tell you the truth they are very insightful and I am embarrassed to say... extremely educational. Why embarrassed? Not embarrassed of you, but of myself for not reading more and being true to what I call myself or think my self to be: A Poet.

    Love Saby
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      Simply put BRILLIANT! I really got this one and there is nothing I would change though I doubt I could ever find anything in any of your work that I could suggest changes.

    I'm adding this to my fav's list
    Keep it up
    and take care

    | Posted on 2006-06-05 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha! More criticisms huh? Lol. Well, I think there can be a balance between experience and research... I personally waver between the two. Books and real life always inspires me-- without either I don't feel whole I suppose.

    My one nitpick would be your third strophe. As I read it I couldn't help thinking that it should've ended at "name", with another strophe to give it more breath. Like so:

    Perhaps we try
    too hard to dissever
    a legend's fame
    from the plankton
    circling to worship
    the enthroned average
    bound to each

    Enjoy the view
    as old men gather
    the dust of
    ancient kingdoms
    to grace the edges
    of the afternoon,
    swarming with her
    number to inscribe
    what they never knew.

    I've enjambed it to how I think you would, but this is just a guess. But you see what I mean, right?

    I enjoyed your second strophe the most. As for the title, to me it implies someone caught out in this big wide river of yours, floundering to get to the other side. It's sort of like an argument that someone joins in when they're not fully prepared for the other's rebuttals lol. Or something like that.


    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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