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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ParanoidParadox
    ASL Info:    22/m/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 89/90/40
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 779
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1758



    Description:
       Experimentation with a cool theme and interesting meter


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemorydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Feel the wind blowing through your hair
    Like my fingers once caressed
    Feel the sun shining on your face
    Like my eyes once kindly gazed
    Feel the waters tickling your stomach
    Like my body once brushed ‘gainst yours
    Feel the birds calling in your ears
    Like my words once said to you

    The times will change
    The Seasons pass
    But the memories
    Shall always last

    See me once again by your side
    Now alone, missing those days
    See me blazing the trails we took
    Now alone, they’re meaningless
    See me sit here, waiting for you
    Now alone, not welcome home
    See me reaching to pull you close
    Now alone, the touch turns cold

    The times will change
    The Seasons pass
    But the memories
    Shall always last

    Looking back on all that we’ve seen
    Passing all the stains of youth
    Looking back on all our battles
    Passing through leftover scars
    Looking back on my broken face
    Passing my gravestone in grief
    Looking back on our memories
    Passing through scrapbook pages

    The times will change
    The Seasons pass
    But the memories
    Shall always last

    In your dreams you lay your head down next to me
    Awake in tears it was just a memory
    Crying out my name in bitter agony
    Pull yourself out of the pits of misery

    Can’t you feel me watching over you?
    It pains me so to see you this way
    The scrapbook burned, the photos are still clear

    The times will change
    The Seasons pass
    But the memories
    Shall always last




    Submitted on 2006-06-03 10:27:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed readin this poem, your words brought back a few painfull memories of mine, ones i wish to let go but still feel vividly. In a way thanks, and take care.
    ~~Lackey
    | Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by Yoki | [ Reply to This ]
      The refrain is like a childhood mantra that sticks with you because it's so sing songy. The form is pretty cool and works okay for this theme. You did a good job as the ghost from beyond comming back but I'm not sure that I liked the restricition of this form...of course that's me. It's encouraging to see others try new forms though...It means our art is alive and thriving.

    jan
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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