Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

if you

Author: Deep Ace Thinks
ASL Info:    35/M/ Spring, TX
Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 124 /190 /60
Words: 165
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1210
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1008


if you

if you were an ocean
i would set sail toward your boundless horizon
weigh anchor and let your tides carry me away
explore distant shores unseen by eyes of others
and bask in your twilight at the end of each day

if you were a mountain
i’d pull myself up to your highest peak
breathe in the wind that has carved out your shape
with vision outstretched from your loftiest heights
embracing your blue sky in my greatest escape

if you were a star
i would traverse the distance to your celestial sea
to feel your warmth penetrating the deep cold of space
bathe in your glow, alive, warm and free
as your graceful orbit secures us in place

if you were the earth
i would plant in you a garden
and germinate the sweetest of flowers and vines
i'd water , and feed you with the utmost of care
an eternal beauty to weather the persistance of time

Submitted on 2006-06-03 13:46:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  oh this is so heartfelt i can hear your heart beating in it for this person. I really enjoyed this poem. You lifted your level of love to natural examples and related them to each other. very nice work.
| Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by concrete_rose | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a great writing, you used fantastic verses for stanza's and that is what made it stand out dramatically, nice work on this, I love the mountain part because I live by mountains, love it..... way to go A -, later
| Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Gmann | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?