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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: More Romantic Than Lustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic Rose
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159/220/97
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1168
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 592



    Description:
       I wish.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMore Romantic Than Lustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I could get lost in your deep green eyes
    They swallow me in as I fantasize
    Of the emotion, the passion, that lies deep within-
    This righteousness more tempting than sin.

    Hold me close as the daylight fades
    Never let me go, even as the sun drifts away
    For my secret dreams in your arms unfold-
    This tenderness more precious than gold.

    Ever-stirring starlight swirls in your gaze
    It holds me entranced, day after day
    Your love envelops me like blankets of dust-
    This epic love more romantic than lust.




    Submitted on 2006-06-04 00:05:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a great idea, that love can be more romantic than lust!

    I really enjoyed reading this piece, I especially fell in love with the last stanza. The rhyme scheme fit so well...I didn't even notice it was intentional, and I admire that.

    The first stanza seemed a bit cliché (I know, how dare I say it), but I just don't think I was as in 'awe' of it as I was the later two. However, the last 'concluding' lines of each stanza really fit well together and ended each with a feeling of satisfaction.

    I am really in love with the last stanza, though:

    Ever-stirring starlight swirls in your gaze
    It holds me entranced, day after day
    Your love envelops me like blankets of dust-
    This epic love more romantic than lust.

    "Ever-stirring starlight swirls in your gaze" is beautiful, it has amazing imagery.

    The last two lines are especially wonderful, as well. Your poetry got stronger as it went a long--unlike most which seems to fade away with poor endings. But I must admit, the last two lines really gave the whole poem a PUNCH. I really don't know if I would like the poem as much without these ending lines, they fit so well together and really sum up the entire poem.

    As for the message, I think it is rather generic, but sometimes, I think, we feel like we must do generic. But you really added to the emotion of the poem with your amazing words and imagery. If anything, I'd spiff up the first two stanzas to make them as memorable as the last.

    Overall, very, very nice job.
    I heart this piece.
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by lemonpromenade | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, sex is not love...

    But we all want the same thing...not to feel alone. I very often feel alone. I have plenty of sex, but it usually only leaves me feeling empty afterwards.

    It is the affection of an intimate lover we long for, not sex...not lust. There is an honesty and immediacy to writes like this. One which i respect and admire.

    Lovely poem,
    see you around,
    later,
    >e.
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by Olaf | [ Reply to This ]
      It's not the most original thing out there, but it is still very, very well written. I love your word choice, and the last line is stunning. God job on a very beatiful piece.
    | Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I loved this piece, it was very, very elegantly done. My favourite part(s) had to be *ahm-ahm* (let me clear my throat):

    1.) Of the emotion, the passion, that lies deep within-
    This righteousness more tempting than sin.

    It was a very graceful way of saying that true love is better then, sex. The words you used, are a perfect fit.

    2.)Your love envelops me like blankets of dust-
    This epic love more romantic than lust.

    For me, the ending is the most important part of any poem. I'm not sure why, maybe it is because thats the last thing I usually remember. It would really have to be a message to sum up the whole point of the poem. That said, this was a beautiful ending.
    Beautiful Job!

    --Elle_Ess

    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Elle_Ess | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, all I can say is wow. But I thought it was rather...hmm...OBVIOUS. Of course this might be my own observations into human nature, and perhaps the most obvious things are best stated in poetry, but there could be a little bit more originality. I don't know... It left me wondering at different aspects of 'stuff.

    Overall it was better than anything I've ever written.

    P.S. - I'm that one guy who's playing piano for you at the showcase assembly.
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by SilverLightning | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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