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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I know who I amdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maki
    ASL Info:    17/ female/ home
    Elite Ratio:    5.04 - 208/210/69
    Words: 436
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1161
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2592



    Description:
       I dunno why i wrote this but. . .something was screaming at me to get it out. so i did. please critisize it nicely and tell me if its too long ><: i tried to edit it but. . .i couldn't part with all that i wanted to say.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI know who I amdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Iím currently accepting all there is about me,
    In turn, learning more of myself,
    Learning what I can do and what I canít,
    Pushing myself till I fall on my face or,
    Fall in love with someone miles away
    Never regretting one single moment.

    Regrets are something that I never get
    I get and take responsibility for the things I do,
    The responsibility for my actions
    That may turn into something great or messed up.

    Messed up is just something that I am,
    Something Iíll always be and never fix because,
    To fix it would not solve the problem that is brewing.
    I have to mend it myself and place a band aid upon it,
    If I donít mend it then Iíd be broken . . .

    In turn, many hearts would be broken too-
    I certainly canít have the grief that I might bring.
    The grief that I know Iíll be missed,
    Iíll only be causing a chain reaction of missing,
    This will lead to an even bigger cause of misery.
    A misery that can burn a personís soul
    And burn their heart to a pile of ashes,
    Like the ashes I spread across the sea,
    Across a sea of time, where people will soon forget-
    Forget what I set out to do in the first place.

    To be everything I can be and to do
    Everything that will lead to my purpose some day,
    And will lead me through finding myself-
    Finding and falling in love, even miles away,
    And having a major fall out in life.

    Having something I canít deal with and breaking!
    Breaking into a million pieces I canít mend,
    I canít mend it with the band aid I used to protect myself,
    Or tried to protect myself from pushing myself beyond my limits-
    And pushing my limits further when I could have stopped,
    Stopped before my brilliant finish where I come in first,
    The brilliant mystery of the one that came up from the back.

    Who I will be when Iím old and dying?
    Not dying not from life but from the things in it.
    The things that wind up killing me slowly,
    That will slowly bring me to a halt,
    Then bring me to a sudden realization,
    A realization that I know who I am.

    Iím currently accepting all there is about me,
    In turn, learning more of myself,
    Learning what I can do and what I canít,
    Pushing myself till I fall on my face or,
    Fall in love with someone miles away
    Never regretting one single moment.




    Submitted on 2006-06-04 03:18:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In the second last stanza there might be some typos:

    Who I will be when I'm old and dying?
    Not dying not from life but from the things in it.

    My criticism isn't really something you can use to tweak the poem. It's about using figurative language, and I can answer questions about that but people often don't understand when I just try to explain during a comment.

    Basically: You're doing expressive writing here. Then you can probably get ideas out of that and make some evocative pieces. Evocative pieces are gifts to the reader; expressive pieces are more like explanations to a counsellor or to anybody important. I used to imagine my mother and father were reading it and make long, long poems and then over a few years there came a lot of maybe more public and entertaining poems out of the "expressive" one. But maybe here in ES it's different because all our readers are other poets!

    Going to come back and study this poem and try to make a better comment. They're throwing me out of the computer room right now & I only just got started hmmmf.

    | Posted on 2007-03-26 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      The general idea I think its great and I really like the title. The only thing I suggest you do is edit this. The write seems somewhat repititive and much of it could be either taken out or simply replaced with better wording. I would offer help but due to the type of write, it being been about knowing who you are, I suggest you do the editing on your own. You can decide what you want out and such. At any rate I did enjoy this.

    Take care
    and be happy

    Later
    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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    105880

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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