Childhood Memories
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Description:
just some thought for childhood
Childhood Memories
I remember climbing trees leaping from branch to branch warm summer pools where I'd dip and dance there were ice cold winters that chilled to the bone syrup cover snow cones that awakened my soul playing king of the castle and winning some of the time bouncing down the hill and laughing and all is fine i burned firecrackers and watched them sizzle with a friend heat up an ant with a sun warmed window pane kind hearted playful nature of a boy longing for this and those qualities that i enjoy dash off the sludge of Adulthood spitting at crows and cursing the trains be alive in the memories of youth wait for the rain and prance in it once agian |
Submitted on 2006-06-04 16:10:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| on about the sixth line you lost some of the lyrical value that you had, If not through direct rhyme then through an allitteration. This is emphasized by the end where you picked up a rhyme scheme again and the rythm came back. Look at the three line there in the middle and see if you can rearrange or reword. You had great images floating all through this and it sounds like a great childhood to remember. jan | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ] | I liked how you looked back to childhood, I think you had some very memorable times by your descriptions too. I found the 8th and 9th lines quite humourous. | Just a few suggestions if you don't mind. On the second line, I think you have a typo. Also on the ninth line, to me it seems there is a word missing between watched and sizzle. I enjoyed the poem very much. Nicola. | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ] | |
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