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passion


Author: biffy2006
ASL Info:    18/f/N.I
Elite Ratio:    1.64 - 25 /16 /9
Words: 31
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 816
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 169



Description:




passion



Theres a fire inside me that causes me pain
Theres a light inside me i cannot contain
A passion inside me so so strong
A love that lasted so so long




Submitted on 2006-06-04 20:55:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Pretty decent short write you got here. I just love short writes, I really do prefer them over long poems. I am always impressed when one can caught their emotions prefectly in a few words. You have essentially done that here.

There are only a few things I suggest, if you will allow


Theres a fire inside me that causes me pain
Theres a light inside me [I] cannot contain
A passion inside me so[,] so strong
A love that lasted so, so [long]

Thats what I suggest but you don't have to take my suggestions if you don't want to for its your poem and thus your voice.

Take care
and be happy

Later
Jason
| Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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