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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: knight errantdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1329



    Description:
       a simple passion.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsknight errantdots
    -------------------------------------------


    O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips




    Submitted on 2006-06-05 13:25:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips


    Ok, I've once again attempted to adjust the lineation, sonics and punctuation of your post (and you should still consider abandoning/limiting the use of punctuation completely in favor of more line breaks for emphasis). An interesting use of lower case 'i' to emphasize the object of love and de-emphasize yourself. I enjoyed your later posts much more than these earlier, more flowery writes (although Cynthia may disagree).

    Next time, don't post your work immediately. Take notes as to what you'd consider changing, experiment with changes I've shown you (or you've seen elsewhere), revise and then post. We learn by doing.

    Take care of yourself, sir.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* this is dreamy. not because it has my name all over it, but because it was so eloquently written. i liked how there is a soft sensual undertone to this piece.

    for example: "...held captive by the cords of your passion."
    "...tender caress of your most sultry lips." etc.

    after reading this i felt my heart palpitating and i was breathless.

    i liked how you categorized this under longing and i liked how you capitalized the word incomparable for extra emphasis.

    i wish that i could pick just which part i enjoyed the best but i cant. i want to sow this whole piece into the soil of my heart have it flourish in passion.

    your love makes you most poetic and i am enamored now with your words.

    perhaps one day this longing will be quenched. perhaps one day soon...

    your beloved dulcinea,
    ~cynthia
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]


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