Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: knight errantdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1329



    Description:
       a simple passion.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsknight errantdots
    -------------------------------------------


    O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips




    Submitted on 2006-06-05 13:25:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips


    Ok, I've once again attempted to adjust the lineation, sonics and punctuation of your post (and you should still consider abandoning/limiting the use of punctuation completely in favor of more line breaks for emphasis). An interesting use of lower case 'i' to emphasize the object of love and de-emphasize yourself. I enjoyed your later posts much more than these earlier, more flowery writes (although Cynthia may disagree).

    Next time, don't post your work immediately. Take notes as to what you'd consider changing, experiment with changes I've shown you (or you've seen elsewhere), revise and then post. We learn by doing.

    Take care of yourself, sir.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* this is dreamy. not because it has my name all over it, but because it was so eloquently written. i liked how there is a soft sensual undertone to this piece.

    for example: "...held captive by the cords of your passion."
    "...tender caress of your most sultry lips." etc.

    after reading this i felt my heart palpitating and i was breathless.

    i liked how you categorized this under longing and i liked how you capitalized the word incomparable for extra emphasis.

    i wish that i could pick just which part i enjoyed the best but i cant. i want to sow this whole piece into the soil of my heart have it flourish in passion.

    your love makes you most poetic and i am enamored now with your words.

    perhaps one day this longing will be quenched. perhaps one day soon...

    your beloved dulcinea,
    ~cynthia
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    106024

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry