Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: knight errantdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1329



    Description:
       a simple passion.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsknight errantdots
    -------------------------------------------


    O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips




    Submitted on 2006-06-05 13:25:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      O Cynthia! Cynthia, my beloved Dulcinea!
    hearken to the pleadings of my heart
    i your knight errant am mounted
    upon my steed, sword drawn
    ever ready to possess completely
    the delicious pleasures of your heart

    o sweet damsel, my heart is enslaved
    rapt by your magnificent beauty
    i fear it will be enthralled for a thousand years
    o blissful thought that we shall be together
    sharing forever the splendours of love

    "vieni o donna e bacio armore"
    come woman, within
    the embrace of my strength
    IMCOMPARABLE!- lover
    my panting heart exclaims-
    who dares refute this certainty!

    amiable Cynthia i am powerless
    before the glory that is your grace
    i am ravished by a glance
    of your sanctuary eyes
    that cause me to shudder
    in a fantastic way

    your smile has smitten me
    with luminouse joy
    i am held captive
    by the cord of your passion
    which omnipotent might
    alone may sever

    thief of my heart
    plunderer of my breath, alas
    i yearn to be held firmly
    against your exquisite bosom
    i am desperate my fair one to know
    the tender caress of your sultry lips


    Ok, I've once again attempted to adjust the lineation, sonics and punctuation of your post (and you should still consider abandoning/limiting the use of punctuation completely in favor of more line breaks for emphasis). An interesting use of lower case 'i' to emphasize the object of love and de-emphasize yourself. I enjoyed your later posts much more than these earlier, more flowery writes (although Cynthia may disagree).

    Next time, don't post your work immediately. Take notes as to what you'd consider changing, experiment with changes I've shown you (or you've seen elsewhere), revise and then post. We learn by doing.

    Take care of yourself, sir.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* this is dreamy. not because it has my name all over it, but because it was so eloquently written. i liked how there is a soft sensual undertone to this piece.

    for example: "...held captive by the cords of your passion."
    "...tender caress of your most sultry lips." etc.

    after reading this i felt my heart palpitating and i was breathless.

    i liked how you categorized this under longing and i liked how you capitalized the word incomparable for extra emphasis.

    i wish that i could pick just which part i enjoyed the best but i cant. i want to sow this whole piece into the soil of my heart have it flourish in passion.

    your love makes you most poetic and i am enamored now with your words.

    perhaps one day this longing will be quenched. perhaps one day soon...

    your beloved dulcinea,
    ~cynthia
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    106024

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bond written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    This written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    To written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry