Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Road to Perditiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 309
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2037



    Description:
       This is a true story. The pain and all.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Road to Perditiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was driving home the other day,
    When I found him.

    The Groundhog.

    He was lying in the middle of the road,
    Part way into town.

    I never expected to see him,
    Or anything for that matter.
    I guess that is why he affected me so much.

    I was driving alone,
    Barely into town when I saw his body.

    Such a mangled mess.

    Blood had begun to congeal and pool around him.

    The area of his thoracic vertabrae,
    On his back,
    Was crushed inward.

    And essence of life drips down his maw.

    Together, these wounds of the flesh,
    Should have killed him.

    But...

    He was not dead.

    As I drove up close to the pitiful creature,
    His head rose,
    And our eyes met.

    In that instant,
    As I drove around the dying animal,
    I witnessed his pain, his torment, and his agony.

    In that instant,
    The mind of man and beast were one.
    His need was my need,
    For help.

    But I didn't know what to do:

    Should I stop?
    Instead I kept going.

    Should I call someone for help?
    Instead I kept going.

    No...I did nothing but remember...
    And cry.

    Tears cascaded from my face,
    As I knew they fell from his.

    I feel sickened by my lack of action now.
    It makes me want to vomit.
    But I have to wonder:
    What could I have done?

    He is dead now.
    He has ceased to cry.

    Yet...

    I am also dead.
    On the inside.
    However,
    I will never stop crying because of what I did.
    Everytime I close my eyes,
    I will meet his.

    For eternity,
    I will suffer my lack of decision.
    Always wondering:
    What could I have done?







    Submitted on 2006-06-06 10:58:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was just a groundhog. You don't have to cry over a groundhog. It's just an animal. What you need to do I light a blunt and relax. I did think the poem was good, though. Other than the fact that it was just a groundhog, I thought it was good. The flow was good, and you expressed yourself so that I could see your sadness. Smoke weed.
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by dude90998 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry hun. There are times when we have to face what we would rather not. Perhaps it is best to remember that everyone and everything will have it's last breath and final journey. If you had touched it, and it was sick, you would have gained the illness, we both know that.

    Now, to the poem. It was good, but more broken up then needed. You should probably have kept the same structural intent through the whole thing. Other then that, it was good.

    Cheers,
    ~Sephe~
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    106106

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry