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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bryandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: skittls
    Elite Ratio:    0.88 - 6/5/9
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 377



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBryandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look up to someone ,who means a lot to me!
    He is the sweetest person, any one can be.

    Every time i think of him, my heart beats really fast. I always want to be with him, i want our love to last.

    every day I think of him, and how we are ment to be, I want to turn to every one and let the whole world see.







    Submitted on 2006-06-06 18:44:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A poem like this is suppose to describe exactly how you feel, It seemed to me that you were more concerned with finding words that rhymed then the actual content of the poem. In fact, the rhyming scheme was about the only thing good about this poem, the adjectives you chose to describe how you felt were extremely dull.

    I hope i was of some help,

    Olala_Rachie
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by Olala_Rachie | [ Reply to This ]
      With the way this is written, I don't really think of it as poetry. It's more of a personal quote to me because of the form and informality of it. Perhaps more punctuation and capitalization would help. I don't know what else to say other then that. It was ok, I guess. It's not really my type though. Still, ok poem.

    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      It reads more like notes in a diary more than something to present as poetry. In the first stanza you "look up" to this person. In the next one you "...want our love to last". From adoration (does he know) to love in one step is a big jump. Either try to find a more gradual evolution of the relationship, or just burst out with your love from the start.
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by coyote | [ Reply to This ]


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