Fly far away
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Description:
Fly far away
Beth sits alone Away from other kids Backstabbed to many times Taken to many hits Pushed down So others stand tall Just cause she’s not like them Not a plastic doll on a shelf Tear stained cheeks She’d rather punches and kicks Names and rumors are something She’ll never be immune to People know But say nothing Every night she goes home Cries herself to sleep She turns a corner They’re there She closes her eyes Bad memories tattooed on her eyelids Nightmares shake her mind Daddy’s hands shake her small body Another bruise to hide Another scar in her memory for life And they all look They all stare But turn away quickly Cause nobody cares Her childhood so tainted Her memory and body so soiled What to do With such a poor soul like her own It’s an accident at home And a fall from school Mum’s hollow questions Reflect self love She likes the weekends at mums It might be lonely But at least the bruises fade then Silence is better than screaming Oh little child Shine like a star And fly like a butterfly Let the angels dry the tears from your eyes There are better places than school Better places than home Fly far from here Let the colour of your wings be seen Free your soul Unhook its chains Your soul once the wind Now the wind your soul |
Submitted on 2006-06-06 21:22:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Damn you write long poetry. Not to say stuff like this isn't warranted, but I sifted through all of your older poems up until this one (I was reading until I found one without a comment) and I can say this much: You must LOVE love. I figured I'd comment on a really old one to bring you back to it because I doubt you reread your older poems much. Anyways, here are a few corrections: Beth sits alone Away from other kids [Back-stabbed] [too] many times Taken [too] many hits .... It’s an accident at home And a fall from school Mum’s hollow questions Reflect [self-love] She likes the weekends at [mum's] It might be lonely But at least the bruises fade then Silence is better than screaming .... Suggestions are useless with such an old poem, I suppose. But if I were to give them, I'd say this much: drop the upper case for each new line, add some punctuation, rework your strophe structures [you could also cut a few], and maybe reword some things. An example for the last suggestion would be 'spoiled' rather than 'soiled' because it makes more sense... and it might denote some irony as a 'pun'; a rotten body because it is livid and beaten, but also in the sense of spoiled as in voluptuously gifted and graced. This essence of this poem is good though. I think you could also work some symbolism into it, subtle things you know? Good day. | Posted on 2009-07-06 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ] | |
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