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Fly far away

Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 248
Class/Type: Poetry /Broken
Total Views: 847
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1725


Fly far away

Beth sits alone
Away from other kids
Backstabbed to many times
Taken to many hits

Pushed down
So others stand tall
Just cause she’s not like them
Not a plastic doll on a shelf

Tear stained cheeks
She’d rather punches and kicks
Names and rumors are something
She’ll never be immune to

People know
But say nothing
Every night she goes home
Cries herself to sleep

She turns a corner
They’re there
She closes her eyes
Bad memories tattooed on her eyelids

Nightmares shake her mind
Daddy’s hands shake her small body
Another bruise to hide
Another scar in her memory for life

And they all look
They all stare
But turn away quickly
Cause nobody cares

Her childhood so tainted
Her memory and body so soiled
What to do
With such a poor soul like her own

It’s an accident at home
And a fall from school
Mum’s hollow questions
Reflect self love

She likes the weekends at mums
It might be lonely
But at least the bruises fade then
Silence is better than screaming

Oh little child
Shine like a star
And fly like a butterfly
Let the angels dry the tears from your eyes

There are better places than school
Better places than home
Fly far from here
Let the colour of your wings be seen

Free your soul
Unhook its chains
Your soul once the wind
Now the wind your soul

Submitted on 2006-06-06 21:22:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Damn you write long poetry. Not to say stuff like this isn't warranted, but I sifted through all of your older poems up until this one (I was reading until I found one without a comment) and I can say this much: You must LOVE love. I figured I'd comment on a really old one to bring you back to it because I doubt you reread your older poems much.

Anyways, here are a few corrections:

Beth sits alone
Away from other kids
[Back-stabbed] [too] many times
Taken [too] many hits


It’s an accident at home
And a fall from school
Mum’s hollow questions
Reflect [self-love]

She likes the weekends at [mum's]
It might be lonely
But at least the bruises fade then
Silence is better than screaming

Suggestions are useless with such an old poem, I suppose. But if I were to give them, I'd say this much: drop the upper case for each new line, add some punctuation, rework your strophe structures [you could also cut a few], and maybe reword some things. An example for the last suggestion would be 'spoiled' rather than 'soiled' because it makes more sense... and it might denote some irony as a 'pun'; a rotten body because it is livid and beaten, but also in the sense of spoiled as in voluptuously gifted and graced.

This essence of this poem is good though. I think you could also work some symbolism into it, subtle things you know?

Good day.
| Posted on 2009-07-06 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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