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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ComingHomedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: .:eVe:.
    ASL Info:    25/f/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 57/57/22
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Prose/The pain inside
    Total Views: 156
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       There is absolutely no flow to this, no rhyme or reason really....just what popped out of my head after I came home from the hospital after giving birth. Had some terrible experiences in the midst of that with myself, my daughter and my now ex-husband. So, feel free to critique all you want, I know it could definitely use work!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComingHomedots
    -------------------------------------------


    They have come to say hello to me, yet I don't know what to say to keep them here.
    I want so many to see the great thing I have created, yet scream at them all to go away.
    Is there something wrong here? Something wrong with me? Sometimes I believe so.
    Who knows what was once supposed to be, but now isn't close to coming true.
    How sad, even though I still exist.
    Who would have thought that I could exist through pain and distrust.
    But, when I least expect it, there is always someone knocking on the door.




    Submitted on 2006-06-06 22:39:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's an interesting topic... women are supposed to only feel joy when they give birth, but we all know there's so much more to it. It could definitely be worked into something more poetic, and I bet it won't take much work. Send me some ideas, I'll send you some ideas and we'll spruce it up. And again, I love the idea here (very original), and I love how you sum up w/that last sentence - that at first you want people with you and then when they knock it is unwelcome. a roller coaster ...
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved the ending

    'But, when I least expect it, there is always someone knocking on the door.'

    Really the most grabbing part of this write though the whole was enjoyable. The only thing was that I didn't really like the format of the write. Seemed a little haphazard. Maybe you could fix it up a little, other than that it was good.

    Nothing really bets a good piece of prose

    Keep it up
    and take care

    Welcome to the site and I hope your stay here is wonderful and fulfilling as mine as been thus far.

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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