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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 3-17-06dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: newerachild
    ASL Info:    15/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 19/28/18
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 194
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 337



    Description:
       I haven't decided on a description for this one yet, but I wrote it while bored in Spanish 3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots3-17-06dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And the Blood of our fathers
    Shall run through the hills
    As we let loose the fury
    So that we may bury
    The crippled souls of the past
    Who are not so very fast
    They will soar, soar,
    Soar, forever more
    Cleaned of the rust
    (That so plagues their nature)
    To Heaven or bust




    Submitted on 2006-06-06 23:06:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Jordan, rather than spending three bored minutes on a poem, why don't you just jot down the general ideas and special phrases that come to mind, and then spend more time on it later? I'm sure you felt the theme of this, but you've not expressed it well to your reader. You've said this was a religious poem, but that is not really clear. In fact, I'm not at all clear on what your theme is. You have an occasional rhyme, but no real rhyme scheme. Some of the rhyme feels very forced.

    I just think you need to spend more time on your work. mae
    | Posted on 2006-09-30 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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