Oh yeah,
I left out punctuation and such not because I didn't know the proper grammar, but because it lets the reader sort of make up the flow on their own... because it's not done for them. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but tuff luck; my poem, my rules. I guess you'll just have to break down and use that thing so many people on here lack these days: imagination.
This portrays a sense of emotional dilapidation. In the second stanza, there is a slant rhyme. Was this intentional, or did you just see no reasonable way around it? I thoroughly enjoy the unsteady rhythem from stanza to stanza, giving a sense of disheveled sorrow.
I am stuck on one thing: why did you entitle it "Ruby"? Such a title only leads to the conclusion that she ends it all when the poem is done. Am I right?
I probably like this poem so much because it has the power to draw out memories I had tried so hard to suppress. The ability to pull out such raw emotion is often more what makes a poem than any rhyme or rhythem. Beautiful work.
Sometimes there are things that we cant explain. There are people that tear us apart. And those that give us a reason to live. Your poem shows emotions over flowing into life. howword usage like this is how you separate true artists from those who anly dibble the the pool of sentences and words. I love it keep up the fantastic work.
Lips moving in explanation yet emitting not a sound she wails in silent torment at the loneliness she’s found
Her lips moving in explanation yet emitting not a sound she wails in a silent torment at the loneliness she’s found
Heart severely torn a dilapidated core left with not a single reason to hope for something more
I think this verse would be better of this way: Her severely torn heart surrounds a dilapidated core left with not a single reason to hope for something more
The rest of the verses are pefect. I thought this would brush this up. Depressing, gloomy, powerful, enjoyable... these words are the perfect description of this write. I am sorry if you are writing about some one you know. It is unfair how some people are born mentally or physically different from others, and many treat them differently. However, we all are created by one God and that is what makes every individual equal. Thank you for sharing
Submission Name: "Ruby"
