Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Ruby"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RealityTears
    ASL Info:    24/F/Your Imagination.
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 68/116/37
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1359
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       Something from my heart... </3

    Oh yeah,
    I left out punctuation and such not because I didn't know the proper grammar, but because it lets the reader sort of make up the flow on their own... because it's not done for them. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but tuff luck; my poem, my rules. I guess you'll just have to break down and use that thing so many people on here lack these days: imagination.

    teehee.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Ruby"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fallen upon the rocks
    the girl’s love overused
    face pressed into her palms
    her will to live abused

    Dropping her hands to her lap
    into your face she stares
    eyes filled with so much more
    than she should have to bare

    Lips moving in explanation
    yet emitting not a sound
    she wails in silent torment
    at the loneliness she’s found

    Heart severely torn
    a dilapidated core
    left without a single reason
    to hope for something more

    Alone in her pain
    until the end at last
    when the blood upon the rocks
    is the goodbye she bids her past




    Submitted on 2006-06-06 23:37:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This portrays a sense of emotional dilapidation. In the second stanza, there is a slant rhyme. Was this intentional, or did you just see no reasonable way around it? I thoroughly enjoy the unsteady rhythem from stanza to stanza, giving a sense of disheveled sorrow.

    I am stuck on one thing: why did you entitle it "Ruby"? Such a title only leads to the conclusion that she ends it all when the poem is done. Am I right?

    I probably like this poem so much because it has the power to draw out memories I had tried so hard to suppress. The ability to pull out such raw emotion is often more what makes a poem than any rhyme or rhythem. Beautiful work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by whiteshadows | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes there are things that we cant explain. There are people that tear us apart. And those that give us a reason to live. Your poem shows emotions over flowing into life. howword usage like this is how you separate true artists from those who anly dibble the the pool of sentences and words. I love it keep up the fantastic work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Misread_Word | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn girl this is some good, deep, depressing and, vivacious poem. The end is really good I love the way you worded it ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Alone in her pain
    until the end at last
    when the blood upon the rocks
    is the goodbye she bids her past


    man that was some powerfull and moving stuff. I also love the way you made this charachter face the reader and address us, . . . . . . . . . . .

    Dropping her hands to her lap
    into your face she stares
    eyes filled with so much more
    than she should have to bare

    Lips moving in explanation
    yet emitting not a sound
    she wails in silent torment
    at the loneliness she’s found

    goodness that send chill down my spine! But neway this was very good and the first poem that I have read of yours and this is already one of my favs.

    much LOVE
    James

    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      Lips moving in explanation
    yet emitting not a sound
    she wails in silent torment
    at the loneliness she’s found


    Her lips moving in explanation
    yet emitting not a sound
    she wails in a silent torment
    at the loneliness she’s found


    Heart severely torn
    a dilapidated core
    left with not a single reason
    to hope for something more


    I think this verse would be better of this way:

    Her severely torn heart
    surrounds a dilapidated core
    left with not a single reason
    to hope for something more



    The rest of the verses are pefect. I thought this would brush this up. Depressing, gloomy, powerful, enjoyable... these words are the perfect description of this write. I am sorry if you are writing about some one you know. It is unfair how some people are born mentally or physically different from others, and many treat them differently. However, we all are created by one God and that is what makes every individual equal. Thank you for sharing


    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    106193

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Incubus written by monad
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Linger written by saartha
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry