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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sleep's embracedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darth Zeus
    ASL Info:    21/F/Vacuum
    Elite Ratio:    7.31 - 369/226/34
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1516
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       I have nightmares each night, always people I love die in it. Kind of related to 'Every night again I see'
    I got these dreams ever since a friend died, it gave me the feeling people could just fade away like that.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleep's embracedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itís not the monsters under my bed
    Or possible creeps out in the streets
    But the fear to dream the same again,
    Iím scared to fall asleep.

    Hours I lay awake, waiting to fight
    Anything to stop me from dreaming
    Stop me from seeing death over again
    And watch you slowly fade away.

    But every night I lose the battle
    When my grip starts to weaken, too tired to fight
    Sleep captures me in her arms, suffocates me,
    And forcing me to create this feared scene.

    You drown
    You burn
    You scream
    You bleed.

    You cry
    You fall
    You die
    You leaveÖ

    And Iím alone, I lost again
    As I watched you slowly fade awayÖ
    Unable to help as my body is claimed
    By Sleepís embraceÖ I canít escape

    When finally she lets me go
    I open my eyes and feel numb, so weak
    As my body is trembling, shocks uncontrolled
    I lay awake, but again I will fall.




    Submitted on 2006-06-07 12:01:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Still trying to breath here....are you aware of the fact that you're after my heart here? I can so relate to this wonderful work, and was actual working on something similar to this...but I mean wow. I see there are many people who agree with me when I say that you really kicked us in the a** when you write things that we can relate to oh-so-well and then find that if we true to give it a voice...it'll echo and taunt us each day...

    Congradulations on a great job, and a great write. I look forward to reading more of your wonderful works!

    Here have a cookie!
    | Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      i had the same nightmares forever after two friends of mine died and it sux!! a really good write by you!! but they will go away in time, take heart! check out "the last day of you" i put it up yesterday. to your nightmares i say, "peace, be still"...
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      this is the type of dream no one wants to go through over and over again. But in another way, it's the remembrance of this tragedy and the desire to do something about it....Dreams are hard to explain but once repeated, it needs to be examined carefully no matter how painful things are to watch.

    I think this piece is very well handled and that you were able to manage the message quite well. I can remember the time i wrote a piece like this. I think it was "Dreaming a nightmare". I had this dream for quite some time and i didn't know how to get rid of it....Had to take some calming tablets and still it didn't work very well....But then as time passed....I was okay again.

    anyhow....i found this to be profound and well written piece....I am looking forward to read more from your work...
    Do take care until next time....
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one Janneke, alot. The imagry and wording is nothing short of exquisite, and the flow unique. Reading it aloud I find no obvious errors, so I'll move on.

    "Itís not the monsters under my bed
    Or possible creeps out in the streets
    But the fear to dream the same again,
    Iím scared to fall asleep.

    Hours I lay awake, waiting to fight
    Anything to stop me from dreaming
    Stop me from seeing death over again
    And watch you slowly fade away."

    At some point or another we can all relate, as we are all plagued by nightmares at some point in our life. That being said, i'd like to offer up another argument...

    "And Iím alone, I lost again
    As I watched you slowly fade awayÖ
    Unable to help as my body is claimed
    By Sleepís embraceÖ I canít escape

    When finally she lets me go
    I open my eyes and feel numb, so weak
    As my body is trembling, shocks uncontrolled
    I lay awake, but again I will fall."

    .... This "sleep" doesn't nesicarilly have to be slumber, what if it were something more.. perhaps death. In my mind all the same things happen. The fear, the numbness, loss of control, helplessness.

    Just a thought to ponder of if you will.
    And remember..
    The Worst Enemy Lies Within the Self.

    Good Write Janneke.
    Much love,
    Eric

    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Vampirism | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece was nice. Calm but dark. Although, I do believe you were rather literal with your meanings and descriptons, but some people write like that.

    It actually, to my surprise flowed rather nicely. I really loved the flow, prolly my fav part of this piece. The idea's and inspiration you talked about in your description sounds a little tragic, and the tragedy seems to come well through this peice. Although, it wouldn't hurt if some things had more imagery, and challenged the reader to think of what it could actually mean rather than spoon feeding it to them. But maybe it was given away in the description...

    Either way, I liked this piece. Thanks for sharing. Take care!
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, it took me a while to find something to say about this one; there are just so many emotions flowing through this. Having watched my grandmother die of cancer, I know what it is like to feel helpless.

    I really like how you set these two stanzas apart:

    You drown
    You burn
    You scream
    You bleed.

    You cry
    You fall
    You die
    You leaveÖ

    It breaks up the flow somewhat, but in a good way. The rest of the poem is so thick with emotion, it darkens us and pulls at something deep within, without this break we might be overcome by it.

    Good work, Janneke!

    With Love,
    Sara
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by saramaple | [ Reply to This ]
      This totally hit me hard because when I was in 4th grade, my best friend died right in front of my eyes and another died less than a week ago. I can absolutely relate to this. I used to have the most atrocious nightmares. I've written many poems about it, but none flowed this well. Congrats. I like how you changed to 2 syllables in each line halfway through, then changed back after 2 stanzas. I felt power in this. I love it I have no critisism.

    blessed be and peace out,
    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Hungarian Girl | [ Reply to This ]
      holy frickin' cow sweetheart! that's terrible!! i can't imagine dreaming every night that a person that i loved was dying... i wouldn't be able to deal with it.
    my favorite part in here is how you described sleep as like some vengeful spirit just waiting to grab a hold of you... nice

    well awesome write, keep it up ^.^

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was good. I liked your 4 last stanzas best. I felt your first few stanzas got off to a slow start. It seemed a little impersonal , like you detached yourself from the feeling here in the poem. But, your flow was good, and you made your point well about the nightmares. This one I feel was better then the other poem about nightmares you wrote. Good wrok Janneke. I hope you start to sleep better soon.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really powerful. I understand what you feel. When my Grandfather died, I began having dreams that I have done something to anger God, and one by one, he is going to take away all my loved ones. But, soon I got over that.
    I don't believe that dreams are telling the future of someone, or even related to a person's life, even what happened after my Grandfather died. Because it is extremely rare that the things that I dream about are close to any events or passions in my life. Anyways, I liked what you had to say in this. You handled the rhymes well. Just one thing I noticed. In the description, you said that your friend did die. And in this, you are reffering to it being a dream.

    But the fear to dream the same again,
    Iím scared to fall asleep.


    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      "And Iím alone, [I] lost again"

    That I there seem somewhat improper. Maybe you intended to put "I have lost again" or something like that. Other than that it was a good write, not my fav of your work but a good write.

    I like the imagery, you set the scene very nicely in this my friend. It had an interesting atmosphere that I can appreciate.

    That said let me offer some knowledge as it concerns this.

    A nightmare is a frightening dream that awakens the sleeper from REM sleep.
    A nightmare's content invariably involves some
    danger- the dreamer is chased, robbed, raped, murdered. or thrown off a cliff. Nightmares are common. Most of us have had them, especially when we were children. Even most adults experience a nightmare occasionally. Nightmares are usually so vivid that we remember them if someone awakens us, although they account for only a small portion of our world dream world.

    It would seem that your suffering from a reccurring nightmare. Maybe you could look up some articles on the nets that can help you with stopping these dreams if the plague you so often and are that absolutely unbearable.

    Take care
    and be happy

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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