Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scarsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: em0
    Elite Ratio:    3.62 - 25/39/22
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 112
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 888



    Description:
       This is sort of, my "letting go" poem... I know Liz is going to jump off the deep-end as soon as I post this, but I have to get it out there and off my chest... Liz, I love you... Don't make a big deal out of this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScarsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another sunset has faded,
    It's been weeks since I heard your voice.
    Remembering is harder and harder,
    Even though it was my choice.

    Forgetting would be so much easier,
    If I didn't see you everywhere.
    Knowing that we're all over,
    Do you ever start to care?

    Did you think about me today?
    Or even last night?
    Was I somewhere beside you?
    Will you ever cry,

    Over me,
    Like I cried over you?
    Bleed for a memory,
    Of what I wanted to be true.

    Moving on would be easy,
    If everytime I looked at my arms,
    I didn't see your face, your name,
    If I didn't have these scars,

    To remind me of what I lost,
    Of what I had one time.
    I miss you, I love you,
    Good night.





    Submitted on 2006-06-07 13:38:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The poem has a melodious ring to it, though I don't think there is much in it besides slant rhyming.

    ex. lines 14 & 16

    Like I cried over you?
    ...
    Of what I wanted to be true.

    Very nice, I didn't think that you meant to do this but sometimes when someone is trying to do something it is easier to do when there is a driving force, a beat.

    Along the lines of the organization of your poem I think it would have been better if the 4 questions had been confined to the single stanza instead of spreading it out.

    The poem clearly shows your loss. It's good that you got it off of your chest.

    .:Jordan:.
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by newerachild | [ Reply to This ]
      I sort of liked this piece. It had a melancholy mood, made me understand what you were feeling, but could maybe use a bit more depth. I think what you need to do is step back from this a little, beacuse your emotions are obvious and overbarring. Maybe what you need to do is make it or another poem, more subtle, and makes the reader think a bit.

    I enjoyed where you connected the stanza's together, it helped it flow better. I also like your use of subtle rhyme, and yes, like Jordan said, it does seem to have a melodic beat to it.

    Hope things get better. Take care.
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.