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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heavens Unmadedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 948
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 260



    Description:
       I'm not sure about "Like sheets kicked from a bed/
    During dream dense sleep." It was "Like removing sheets from a bed." That just didn't seem vivid enough.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeavens Unmadedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The heavens became unmade.
    Angels pinned back
    a bit of the cotton candy-coloured sunset sky
    like sheets kicked from a bed
    during dream dense sleep
    providing observant dreamers
    a glimpse of the divine mechanism.




    Submitted on 2004-05-13 07:47:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "sheets kicked from a bed" is more tumultuous...that is more like it would be if heaven were unmade...

    this has powerful lines..compacted into something that is ticking like a bomb, ready to explode.
    i like the angels pinning back the sky...

    cotton candy...really works for me...

    this piece is sooooooo good, aimst...

    you are such an artist with the pen--


    this is like looking at a painting that is almost too vivid...so much so the observer has to look away...like from an eclipse.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-11-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, such talent...it was a pleasure!!
    | Posted on 2011-11-08 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      Merry Meet Cuddledumplin. I loved the image that you put in my head. I like how short that you made the poem. I think that if you had said anymore it would have ruined the effect. Great job! I am going to put it on my favorites, ok?
    Blessed Be Andrea
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by magickandie | [ Reply to This ]
      your symbolism of a bed rings clear throughout your poem. I actually think the lines in question fit in very well. Im at a loss trying to figure out where you got the inspiration though.
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by jonsmithy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It was very descriptive. It flowed nicely and it honestly got me thinking, as I really don't think too much about the cotton-candy colored sky.....
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      cotton candy-colored sunset sky
    that was a cool little line perfectly describe a sky at sunrose to me, i don't know if thats what you meant it for but yeah great little write thanks for sharing
    Pryncess of Eternity
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      Who not not love a sky of spun sugar sweetness? This is a great image. I can see the pink and green hued colors clinging to the stick but now emblazoned across the heavens.

    A very nice spiritualism in this one.
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry....that should be Who does not love.....I am always making typos..............
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, I've got it under control again. All these comments, with nary a vote? Well, I gave it a 5. I love everything about this poem. If this is not perfection, then it is because my observation is flawed.
    | Posted on 2004-05-14 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]


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