Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heavens Unmadedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 893
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 260



    Description:
       I'm not sure about "Like sheets kicked from a bed/
    During dream dense sleep." It was "Like removing sheets from a bed." That just didn't seem vivid enough.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeavens Unmadedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The heavens became unmade.
    Angels pinned back
    a bit of the cotton candy-coloured sunset sky
    like sheets kicked from a bed
    during dream dense sleep
    providing observant dreamers
    a glimpse of the divine mechanism.




    Submitted on 2004-05-13 07:47:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "sheets kicked from a bed" is more tumultuous...that is more like it would be if heaven were unmade...

    this has powerful lines..compacted into something that is ticking like a bomb, ready to explode.
    i like the angels pinning back the sky...

    cotton candy...really works for me...

    this piece is sooooooo good, aimst...

    you are such an artist with the pen--


    this is like looking at a painting that is almost too vivid...so much so the observer has to look away...like from an eclipse.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-11-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, such talent...it was a pleasure!!
    | Posted on 2011-11-08 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      Merry Meet Cuddledumplin. I loved the image that you put in my head. I like how short that you made the poem. I think that if you had said anymore it would have ruined the effect. Great job! I am going to put it on my favorites, ok?
    Blessed Be Andrea
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by magickandie | [ Reply to This ]
      your symbolism of a bed rings clear throughout your poem. I actually think the lines in question fit in very well. Im at a loss trying to figure out where you got the inspiration though.
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by jonsmithy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It was very descriptive. It flowed nicely and it honestly got me thinking, as I really don't think too much about the cotton-candy colored sky.....
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      cotton candy-colored sunset sky
    that was a cool little line perfectly describe a sky at sunrose to me, i don't know if thats what you meant it for but yeah great little write thanks for sharing
    Pryncess of Eternity
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      Who not not love a sky of spun sugar sweetness? This is a great image. I can see the pink and green hued colors clinging to the stick but now emblazoned across the heavens.

    A very nice spiritualism in this one.
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry....that should be Who does not love.....I am always making typos..............
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, I've got it under control again. All these comments, with nary a vote? Well, I gave it a 5. I love everything about this poem. If this is not perfection, then it is because my observation is flawed.
    | Posted on 2004-05-14 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    10634

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry