Description: I'm not sure about "Like sheets kicked from a bed/
During dream dense sleep." It was "Like removing sheets from a bed." That just didn't seem vivid enough.
The heavens became unmade.
Angels pinned back
a bit of the cotton candy-coloured sunset sky
like sheets kicked from a bed
during dream dense sleep
providing observant dreamers
a glimpse of the divine mechanism.
Merry Meet Cuddledumplin. I loved the image that you put in my head. I like how short that you made the poem. I think that if you had said anymore it would have ruined the effect. Great job! I am going to put it on my favorites, ok? Blessed Be Andrea
your symbolism of a bed rings clear throughout your poem. I actually think the lines in question fit in very well. Im at a loss trying to figure out where you got the inspiration though.
I liked this. It was very descriptive. It flowed nicely and it honestly got me thinking, as I really don't think too much about the cotton-candy colored sky.....
cotton candy-colored sunset sky that was a cool little line perfectly describe a sky at sunrose to me, i don't know if thats what you meant it for but yeah great little write thanks for sharing Pryncess of Eternity
Who not not love a sky of spun sugar sweetness? This is a great image. I can see the pink and green hued colors clinging to the stick but now emblazoned across the heavens.
OK, I've got it under control again. All these comments, with nary a vote? Well, I gave it a 5. I love everything about this poem. If this is not perfection, then it is because my observation is flawed.
Submission Name: Heavens Unmade
