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    dots Submission Name: Come Ondots

    Author: Aknahlij_d 1
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Loueezy
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 369/516/136
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1329
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199

       i know, its awfully hot to be so pissed off. but yea, u know me :) im gonna work on this one

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCome Ondots

    im miserable

    and im thinking that im taking you down to depression town, usa with me
    it wouldn't be so bad
    you just gotta open wide
    and let the load fill your head
    and any notions as to why you're here
    shoot em dead
    just come on

    hop the next bus across town
    cuz everyone already knows that
    the transit's broken down
    come on and in case you haven't noticed
    depression's a disease
    a smudge on my face i wiped away but it stays on the sleeve

    watch the bridges burn
    and forget everything you've ever learned
    because the casualties only teach the victory they have yet to earn
    and you've yet to be taught by a success
    you're just picking straws out of a coffee cup
    trying to find the one that sucks best

    let me be your guide to suicide
    let me take you along the path
    that bypasses the grassy meadows set aside for you and i
    smell the formaldehyde
    acquiesce the aroma of after burn
    you'll have to learn failure to figure out what it means to die

    Submitted on 2006-06-08 16:19:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Man, I think you should stop biting Gravediggerz. Unless you really can't do anything original?
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by JetPilot | [ Reply to This ]
      Depression...such an overdone topic. Just goes to show how it seems to run rampant. Its just a state of mind though...but depressed people let "them" tell them its a disease. Sad.

    But...regardless of how overly done the topic of depression has become around here, I have never seen one done like this one. Its not of the "pity me...why am I such a loser" type of writes, but more of a "HEY! I'm a depressed fool...since I cant beat it, I'm gonna make the most of it and you should too!" HA! I liked that part about it, for it is what sets it apart from all the others.

    Good job with that.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really interesting
    In this write it seems like you are very angry
    The only thing that troubles me is that it seems with your words your not wanting to help someone out of depression but lead them to
    more depression
    I do feel that you dont mean to do that I think you are saying that a depressed person will lead another depressed person dpwn hill without even trying to
    Good Write
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm just kidding, this one is alot better then the last one you posted, I think you should try not too post too much rap on this site, but whatever floats your boat right?
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by JetPilot | [ Reply to This ]

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