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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Read em and Weepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aknahlij_d 1
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Loueezy
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 369/516/136
    Words: 761
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Childrens
    Total Views: 1304
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4512



    Description:
       me n troy ripping like a birthday package


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRead em and Weepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    (AKn)
    destroy emcees in their sleep like an archvillan
    i'm with all women, depending on how my squad's feelin
    i'm archie bunker on the podium, devoid of emotion
    all quotes and no opinion, my fast raps are like auctioning
    often found smuggling flower off the corner, trying to cope
    trying to steal some butane to light a fucking smoke
    off some gnarls barkley, call me crazy
    but the movement in the back row looks like patrick swayze
    i'm all romeos and juliets, fuck a camel
    i'm decked out in camo ready to tango
    go mano-a-mano with any rapper willing to battle
    its like picking off cattle from long range
    i saute you niggas like 4 spades in a card game
    i'll humiliate a whole race, just to be know as a bully
    just so the hip-hop critics get the picture fully
    all brains no brawn, till dawn on the mic
    like carbon on the skin, i'm everlasting
    like rap and plastic
    tragic, acidic rhymes slipping through every sentence
    and hitting like tyson, spitting delivering his hit list at the press conference
    biting your war tactics for battle night, i'm a rapping GOD
    layign down my sniper rifle and killing you chickens with a cattle prod


    (Uknown Soldier)
    yo itís Unknown on the track
    Ready to break every bone in ur back
    u canít find peace of mind if shown where itís at
    so false hip hop kings get overthrown from the throne for this act
    the pencil hits hard so niggas think iím holding the gat
    i carry the truth so niggas say iím toting the facts
    squeeze triggas releasing punchlines that can open holes in ur back
    these industry niggas are hoping iím whack
    so theyíll never have to look up to me and say "uíve stolen my stats"
    kids taking long puffs as we sell um Milds that we roll and theyíre Black
    Midas has golden plaques but the goal isnít the money
    after the sweet release thatís sweeter than honey
    ainít shit funny
    cuz when ur running around
    trying to dodge the bullets as niggas are coming around
    and straight gunning you down
    tryin to find my way to music as i stumble through sound
    searching for humility in emcees but nobody humbleís around
    the art starts to crumble and the remaining rubble surrounds
    the softest words can be so rough they confound
    the minds that we found to be under the influence of ignorance
    i tried reducing the usage of cigarettes
    but to no avail cuz itís useless if weíre simply losing our viligance
    iím super diligent
    but iím hesitant to accept this hell on earth
    the residants of this hell on earth
    are desperate to escape from this hell on earth
    wondering how i dwell in this well with this curse
    the stench of death drove me insane until the smell dispersed
    the virus spreads until every cell is cursed
    descending down through depravation since i already fell through worse
    life is pain and i can tell....it hurts


    (Akn)
    you never thought a word could mean so much
    before you confused drugs and forgot that crystal meth was crushed
    Pís the nigga to punch your dick in the dust
    iron plate ya face just to watch your expressions rust
    canít handle the lust with catching superior rush
    you ainít shit, i donít think that you hear it enough
    iím flushed iím making the other niggas around me blush
    canít handle the bucks, like a drunk i canít manage the cup
    managed to jump the gap, but still canít banadage the cuts
    scandalous, us, louisiana bandits caught on camera
    such a slow show like tony montana on dutch
    fantastic, a white rapper, side tracked in I-10 traffic
    on weekday afternoon after mushroom eating practice
    i hit the room and assume that in the dark thereís a matress
    only to meet the ground, the cold floor act as my favorite actress
    its quarter to 2 in morning, honing my skills while yawning
    waiting to see if dawn can bring me a step closer to something
    i got this proof joint bumping
    holla back, iím passing out
    on this sofa, mind still running like a black forrest gump







    Submitted on 2006-06-08 16:40:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is really, really lame.

    Post your s.h-i.t on Mr.Lifs, how do you like that rip? I'll make your mother drip, this last blast is faster then anything you surpas.

    hey sweet I'm as good as you guys.

    G-unit for life.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by JetPilot | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the meaning.....I do in a way agree with Dave though.....It was longer then any track setting could be. This would be about a 6-7 minute track if it was truly edited, and put to a beat properly. It could use a little bit of tightening up. I know that many places you could still get the meaning across without the sentence/stanza/rhyme line whateva....being so long.

    On the up n up. I liked it. I think that the both of you have mad talent that shouldn't go overlooked. We all get into a mind frame and just go with it. But in the end.....even the best emcees will tell ya.....you still have to go back over what you wrote....tighten it, edit it, and perfect it, before spittin it. Not many have the mind set as the greats of Tupac, Jay-Z, and a few othaz where they can just walk into a beat and lay down what was meant to flow. EXACTLY how they want it. It is a long drawn out process. Even I....THE GREAT...have to edit my pieces. LMFAO! JP!

    Now then....about this jet-whomever....lemme go and give a shout out....*smirx*

    Much love to the both of you!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright, I gotta be honest. After the first five or so lines, I just stopped reading this...and I tried reading it four times...but then I said, "DAMN IT DAVE! Read it through ya big dummy!" So I did.

    AKN: Your first part there has too many long and drawn out sentences in it and if it is a stereotype or not...most people feel that rap songs should have a rhyme that ALSO carries a meaning to it. I recommend you break that first part up into shorter lines/stanzas/paragraphs...or whatever you want to call it...type things. It would definately help.

    SOLDIER: As always, your rhymes are solid and they have a definate pattern and rhyme scheme. In some parts, the flow was off a bit, but not so bad.

    AKN: In the last part, you definately did better than the first. Much more tighter, but still a little bit off in some parts of the rhyme.

    Now, I think the thing that kept me from finishing it the whole way through and forcing myself to read it was because...while reading it...it appears to be WAAAAYYYY long and drug out. Perhaps chop it up into some sort of stanza form. It looks like a two line per stanza format might work, cuz...hey...both of ya have been around ES long enough to know that lots of people have succumbed to the fact that someone else told them they have ADD and get distracted because supposedly they have a disorder that causes them to lose focus. Hell, I'll be honest with you guys...I lost focus the first four times I read this because it just couldnt hold my interest because of its format. But I forced myself to read it and liked the meaning and strength you guys put behind it. F*ckin POWERFUL strength and emotion.

    But the way it was formatted, I couldnt get a solid beat and flow into my head while reading it. Format it as you see/feel or would sing it. I am sure you can do it.

    Anyway, thats just my fiddy cents worth, HA! GET IT?

    Hee-hee!

    Anyway, thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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    106451

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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