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    dots Submission Name: The Well: Part 1dots

    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 658
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3829

       This is my first try at a story, it's not complete but tell me if I should continue. This part is more of an intro so I hope I didn't make it too boring. If enought people like it, I'll continue it. It may not seem dark at first but keep reading.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Well: Part 1dots

    Ally Walker knelt beside the stone well thinking and talking to herself. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and he didn’t take it very well. She still had feelings for him but he was just too... predictable. Sure he was cute, nice and had a great personality, but he was too cautious and boring. She wanted someone more exciting, someone more wild. She sat down next to the well and played the day over in her head.
    “Hey, Edd?” Ally asked.
    “Yeah, what’s up?” Edd replied.
    “We need to talk,”
    “Sure. What about?”
    “About us.”
    “What’s wrong? You don’t seem very happy!” Edd observed.
    “It’s... just that... well... I don’t think we should be together anymore” Ally muttered without trying to sound harsh.
    “What? Why?” Edd asked turning pale.
    “I don’t think we’re right for each other.”
    Edd was speechless.
    “Please don’t tell me about all you’ve done for me.” Ally thought to herself.
    “After everything I’ve done for you, this is what I get?” Edd shouted, “After all the things...”
    It went on for an hour or two until Ally just got up and left. She felt bad but what could she do.
    “Life just isn’t fair, is it?” She thought while lying down next to her well.
    This well was very special to Ally. It was old, crumbling and gave of a musty stench. She wasn’t even sure if there was anymore water left in it. But it didn’t matter. She liked it that way; made her feel secure. Everyday she would come out after dark, usually around midnight, and share the latest bits of her pathetic, boring life with the well. The well was like her very own diary, storing in all of her memories and thoughts and able to vomit them back up whenever Ally wanted. But more that just a diary, this well was her friend, her support and companion.
    She would lie there many hours in the dead of night talking to the well, sometimes even making wishes, though doubting they would ever come true. That’s what made the well such a comfort. It would listen intently to what Ally had to say, something most people never do.
    She laid her head down gently on the moist grass and looked up at the twinkling stars. They were much brighter than usual tonight. The moonlight lit up the individual blades of grass beside Ally’s head like sparkling, green crystals. The wind picked up and sailed to the forest trees, humming a mournful tune. Ally began to hum along and was absorbed into the magic of the wind’s melancholy song. These little things, the stars shining, the wind singing, the moon radiating pure, white light that made her love living in the mountains. She’d lose herself for hours lying there talking to the well and humming with the wind.
    Ally’s eyes flickered open.
    “Probably fell asleep,” She thought to herself. The wind had died down and the stars began to dim.
    “Damn, what time is it,” she thought, glancing at her watch. “Shit! Almost two! I gotta get home before someone finds out”
    Ally never told anyone about her adventures at night. She wanted privacy and didn’t feel like explaining to everybody just what the hell she was doing in the middle of a forest, near a well at midnight.
    She got up slowly to her knees and...
    “Crap! I must be really tired. I can barely walk straight,” She leaned against the well to catch her balance and listened to the night.
    “Why the hell is it so quiet?” She couldn’t here the wind anymore. Even the usual nocturnal chirping of the locusts or the buzzing of insects could no longer be heard. It seemed as if a black stillness just settled in around her, locking out all other sounds.
    Ally stood there trying to listen for some comfort. Then she heard it; a faint, yet ominous rustling through the foliage...

    Submitted on 2006-06-08 18:15:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      spooky, lol...leaves you wanting more...I definitely loved the suspense at the end of it.
    I see it is a part one...does that mean there will be a part two? I hope so, this was really good, good descriptions too, by the way.
    I don't have much to say about this, I'm waiting for another one, lol, peace!

    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Just a few notes:

    Ally Walker kneeled beside the stone well thinking and talking to herself. She had

    Kneeled- knelt

    It went on for an hour or two until Ally just got up and left. She felt but what could she do.

    "she felt"... bad?

    But it didn’t matter, she liked it that way; made her feel secure.

    Grammatical error: The first sentence is really two and thus, cannot be separated using a comma.


    May I suggest better word choice?

    Just the random advise of a fellow writer. Hope it helps.

    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      haha ur a fan of cliffhangers, damn it lol. this was pretty good hun, especially for a first total attempt at one, all I got to say about "Tell me whether I should continue" is that you d.amn well better continue, I have to know what happened. lol. anyway I think it's kewl that you started out focusing on a female character, just sorta surprised me in a "not-super-important" but less predictable then normal way;) anyway good stuff, keep it up,
    and get on aim :P lol
    love ya,
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm..this was interesting, I wanted her to fall in the well, lol. I don't know how someone could talk to something that doesn't only not talk back, its not living. But then again neither am I living, I'm just breathing, not alive. This was somewhat of a weird story, I mean the beginning was interesting. Boring guys do suck, they bring no exciment, or adventure, but sometimes boring is safe, everyone likes to be safe. Now anyways, I'm off to read part two, I saw you just posted it.

    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

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