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turn the volume down, and fade out leaving only blank and bleak silence i could call the convenient friends the ones who don't care enough to leave hating takes effort and besides, they like my shoes but i'd rather read those books that make me feel less than human ,and so unworthy but they give me great ideas i could write a billion cliché love songs that they'd play all the time on MTV and i could dance and sing along and pretend that girl was me but id rather sit here, still and silent and write something no one will approve of writing about what i know and what i know is lonely girls and lying, and crying, and caring in the privacy of your room i dont care if people say its angsty its whats real im not the only one but itd be weird to start a club for people drowning in expectations, and intentions and listening to kickass music its fine to sit here, writing calmly and trying not to hate people so much thats the hard part not hating people who hate me i could wish that they'd die and i could laugh if they do but im not that kind of girl i just hate people too much |
hey, i'm not liking the last few lines, i think you got a bit too into the hating without remaining true to your original indifference, but i sure love the rest. It's weird; you probably just summed up ninety percent of the female readership on elite. an that's pretty cool. thanks, love charlie x x x| Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Charlie Poppins | [ Reply to This ] | Hey look at that, you wrote a real poem. Congratulations; however, using words like "kickass" is pretty dumb. If I were you, I'd cut off the last two lines of the second stanza, and the entire third stanza. It just sounds too catty and angsty. True, the other parts are angsty, but they actually say something. | | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ] | this poem is great...i love it.... | "i could write a billion cliché love songs that they'd play all the time on MTV and i could dance and sing along and pretend that girl was me" those lines are brilliant Very well done AL | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ] | Wonderul! I really think this is awesome. It's what we, people like myself, really think. It's really cool how you could put everything I want to write, but lack sufficient talent to do so, so well. The last sentence really captivates me, and it makes me think that you're not trying to be nice and kind and superior, but that you're just hating too much to spend the effort on showing it or doing anything about it. Yep, it rocks. Maybe capitalization would help. | Cheers, ~Sephe~ | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ] | |