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    dots Submission Name: ending - startingdots

    Author: graeme
    ASL Info:    33/M/Maple Ridge B.C. Can
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 26/43/19
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1433
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 833

       hmm.. i'm not sure again about this one. tell me what you think, i'm open to any criticism

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsending - startingdots

    i can't believe this all happened
    in just the last 12 months
    so much changed
    good and bad
    and somehow everything
    before the last 12 months
    seems so long ago

    12 months means more now than it ever did
    you can loose someone
    gain someone
    find a home and lose another
    work and not work
    love and love some more

    if not for the good
    this last 12 months would have been impossible
    i would have lost the struggle
    to keep above water
    to continue to tread and keep calm

    12 months is also a year but
    i can't think of these 12 as a year
    it's like one long day with a lot of events
    it just never ends
    but this does
    here and now

    Submitted on 2006-06-08 22:38:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a good poem. I dont think you need to be cryptic here at all. Basically this is very straightforward which isnt a bad thing. It is honest and true and speaks of life as you have experienced it. We all go through times like these, at least I have, and sometimes a year can pass as fast as one day and other times it can take an eternity as it seems you are stuck in a repetitious nightmare one day after another. And I like how you mention "her" and how she has helped you survive this difficult time. One person can make all the difference in the world. Good poem. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Basically, this is the most straight-forward poem I've ever written. You seem to have a good idea going here, but it would be better if you tried delving a little deeper, and using some symbolism to express it. This poem is a nice start, but I'd try to be a little more cryptic.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem. Basically you described life. I mean good an dbad happens throughout it, sometimes it's more noticable at a specific point like you showd in the 12 months. I liked how you showed that because of this one person, it made living through those 12 months worth it. It really brings true meaning to the saying, 'in every grey cloud there's a silver lighting'. this poem, however, was very staright forward. Maybe you could describe things a little better, play with the words, that's what poetry is all about. Anyway, nice start!
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by rent_a_fairy | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it. because i like real & simple things, because they're usually the most interesting.
    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by lovefatal | [ Reply to This ]

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