Is your mind an open book,
Can they look inside your head?
Do you still just show them pages you want read?
What do you tell them when the Horror
Leaves you chilled and drenched in bed?
Are you still oppressed by dreams in Black and Red?
Have you found the man who’s shown you
How to overcome your dread-
Shown you how to pluck those pictures from your head?
Though you didn’t want to show me,
Yet, nights you shivered in my bed-
That’s when I had my first glimpse inside your head,
And now we’re both oppressed by dreams in Black and Red:
Yet, I just can’t tear your pages from my head…
Like most of my lyrics on this board, this one was originally written as a song and, should you care to, you can hear me perform it by clicking on the link below
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7843014
If you do have the patience, I would be very interested to know what you think of it.
Hmm..thoughts, alright. What I get from this poem issomeone who hides behind a wall, every fear, emotion, etc. hidden from the world. Yet slowly but surely let's you inside, to see the world hidden inside her mind. That's what I thought of (or maybe cuz that's just me) Good job on the poem.
It was all good until the last stanza. There were too many forced rhymes it seemed to me. But otherwise it was really awesome...I just think you should work to improve the last stanza a bit, keep the concept, just try to find another way to word it. I got out of it basically what MorbidAngel114 got from it...that it's about a person who fears to even show emotions to somebody, and when they and the other person open up to eachother, the other person forgets about them, but the original person can't get the other out of their head...I hope you understood what I said lol, I just confused myself... Anys, this was a sweet piece of writings, but, again, I think the last stanza could use some work...if you want my help, just message me...
Submission Name: PAGES
