[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Rose to Sleep Indots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 972

       I wrote this at home a few nights ago...sleppy me at an early time in the morning. But...there are eyes that I want to read it. And I suppose I would like a few comments as well. Ummm...I guess just tell me what you think and things of this sort.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Rose to Sleep Indots

    Whithering away,
    I saw you
    dancing in the floor
    with your arms outstretched for me

    Poorly adapted to
    but coping with fresh paint

    In our new house
    I couldn't reach you with my lips
    spiderwebs caught them on their way
    the webs were moral and good

    My lips were dirty
    understood their purpose

    and they wished to fulfill their desires
    They watched you
    swiming in blankets of flowers
    rose colored hiding lovers

    IN the end
    I suppose it was all beautiful
    something tangible would have
    made it

    maybe it need not be so
    maybe the beauty

    Came from her heart
    and landed in his hands
    and they were only happy there
    because nothing could touch them

    Submitted on 2006-06-09 15:39:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this was great i read it the first time and then the second
    i kind of imagined a bee landing on a rose or flower for safety or the pollen i dont no
    all in all very nice thought i enjoyed

    great write
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      IN the end
    I suppose it was all beautiful
    something tangible would have
    made it

    I like these lines...it's almost as if you're saying...there was a moment or a relationship, or just a period in time, and it was beautiful, but if it had made sense, it would have been more. I like it.

    My lips were dirty
    understood their purpose

    This almost makes me think of that whole deal with me and Tony...it seemed as if everything about me was dirty at that point, but it had a purpose, and I could not have changed it.

    They watched you
    swiming in blankets of flowers
    rose colored hiding lovers

    This makes me think of you guys rolling around in the living room, fighting over those blankets, and there are still tiny confetti flowers stuck to them...I just thought that would be cute.

    It's pretty...I like it.
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this very much. I got the feeling of sadness and longing from it, especially in the ending. The lines "My lips were dirty
    understood their purpose" stood out to me. I don't know if I'm way off here but I interpreted that as meaning you had "been around" a while but still know the meaning of loving and wanting someone.
    I liked the idea of the spiderwebs being the moral barrier between you.
    Interesting write, I enjoyed the read.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ]
      that is pretty cool. i've never felt that. wish i did. it is pretty amazing the things our body and brain go through when we go all crazy over someone and not knowing how to say to the other person. but to have the feelings returned is something i'm not too used to, hehe. you explained it in a really beautiful way -- the feelings being returned part. it is almost that piece of peace that people look for -- that's impression i got from your words. it was really good.
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very beautiful write. There are so many strong emotions tied up in it. Longing, love, lust, and shame to name a few. You string them together in such a way only someone who has lived through them can. Its easy to get a glimpse into your world through you words because they are so personable and deep. I truly love it.

    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]