I don't know if I'm the only one this happened to but as I was reading your poem I had the feeling of running to catch up to something ...Maybe you can use this style for a more "frantic" kind of writing. The imagery was nice but a little redundant. Writing is subjective, have fun with it!
I think that you need to mix your wording up a bit. you seem to come back to the reference of rain and falling a little too much i think. i think what you're trying to do, as far as leading the reader back to rain, is a good idea, just overly done in this write. but then again, that's just my opinion.
i also dont think the formatting works well with this piece. if all of the sentences were only one line then possibly, but you have 2 lines in there that spill into another line. but again, that's my opinion
hmmm what to say? what can I say? you do know how I feel, and you don't really care about that so good write hun, and thanks, it does mean alot, but at the same time, I understand what you're saying, and I didn't mean to hurt you or anything by bringing it up I just thought u would understand, I'm so glad we're friends laz, and I"ll leave it at that cuz I could say more.
I can feel conflict in this write, and I can sense the sadness in the words you wrote. This is a tough situation from what I can see, though I can't say that I myself have been through this, I hope all works out in the end. Nice write.
Laz Outstanding write my Friend You have a way with words!!! In this write I believe you are releasing a little of the pain you held inside for far too long I know you Laz you are a survivor!!! Remain Strong and above all Remain Positive I know your wife to be will add Love to your Heart to fill the empty space there that was created from releasing the negative God Bless My Friend Ill be Praying for you and Your Wife to be Ron
Laz if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
Submission Name: Life Rains over Love
so good write hun, and thanks, it does mean alot, but at the same time, I understand what you're saying, and I didn't mean to hurt you or anything by bringing it up I just thought u would understand, I'm so glad we're friends laz, and I"ll leave it at that cuz I could say more. 