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    dots Submission Name: Life Rains over Lovedots

    Author: Laz
    ASL Info:    22/m/WV
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 18/36/5
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 948


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    dotsLife Rains over Lovedots

    Life Rains over love like the whisper of the wind.

    Silent as death yet strong and forceful as the falling rain

    The love I have will fall with the rain to land softly on my mind

    The love that wants me would cherish that I am happy

    yet would not cherish life for all it seems

    when this life is extinguished in my falling love,

    pain there will be when the blood hits the rain

    Life rains over love like the slice of the knife

    The blood falls and the rain fails to come

    the blood on the floor shows no thought of the person to bleed it but of their pain

    The love that wishes me happiness has fallen on a heart already taken.

    The love that I cherish has made her place

    The friendship that I cherish has bored a hole through my heart with the simple word "Suicide"

    Submitted on 2006-06-09 22:21:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know if I'm the only one this happened to but as I was reading your poem I had the feeling of running to catch up to something ...Maybe you can use this style for a more "frantic" kind of writing. The imagery was nice but a little redundant.
    Writing is subjective, have fun with it!

    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by LadyMerlina | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that you need to mix your wording up a bit. you seem to come back to the reference of rain and falling a little too much i think. i think what you're trying to do, as far as leading the reader back to rain, is a good idea, just overly done in this write. but then again, that's just my opinion.

    i also dont think the formatting works well with this piece. if all of the sentences were only one line then possibly, but you have 2 lines in there that spill into another line. but again, that's my opinion
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm what to say? what can I say? you do know how I feel, and you don't really care about that so good write hun, and thanks, it does mean alot, but at the same time, I understand what you're saying, and I didn't mean to hurt you or anything by bringing it up I just thought u would understand, I'm so glad we're friends laz, and I"ll leave it at that cuz I could say more.

    ~peace && love,
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for your help but i wrote this for someone and i think only they will understand it
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Laz | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this poem is great the way it is it is simple deep and very emotional
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by lexdakid265 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel conflict in this write, and I can sense the sadness in the words you wrote. This is a tough situation from what I can see, though I can't say that I myself have been through this, I hope all works out in the end. Nice write.

    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
    Outstanding write my Friend
    You have a way with words!!!
    In this write I believe you are releasing a little of the pain you held inside for far too long
    I know you Laz you are a survivor!!!
    Remain Strong
    and above all
    Remain Positive
    I know your wife to be will add Love to your Heart to fill the empty space there that was created from releasing the negative
    God Bless My Friend
    Ill be Praying for you and Your Wife to be

    Laz if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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