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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: risedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 646



    Description:
       this is an idea for a song...please evaluate (praise) nicely.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    where do i belong
    where do i fit
    is it truly here
    oh you lie-i smell your fear

    who are you
    where are you from
    why are you here
    i smell your fear-your lies are clear

    you don't need me
    you don't care
    i don't need you
    i'll remain here

    i'm fallin
    over cliffs of
    empty thoughts

    i'm fallin
    under drifts of
    judicial faults

    lift me-lift me-lift me-lift me
    help me to rise
    above the haze of this life

    lift me
    help me rise




    Submitted on 2006-06-09 22:35:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The dramatic idea got me. But you lose it halfway. The last bit is not strongly connected to the first bit, which might be easy enough to fix! You know the connection -- I don't. That's what to fix. I write sonnets and so I have this problem all the time!!
    | Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I thought that this poem was really going to be simplistic but I did end up liking it. The beginning is slow but I love when you write
    " I'm fallin over cliffs of empty thoughts....I'm fallin under drifts of judicial faults"
    That really gives it some flavor. Good job- I look forward to reading more from you.
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Jill Lynne | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes me quite warm! i could close my eyes after reading it and still feel it... that is hot! it has been quite some time since I have visited your page, dear! glad to see you still have that passion!!! come visit me again sometime!! laters

    Ryce
    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by prettygrnEyes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    106588

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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