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Author: Oracle
ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423 /313 /46
Words: 92
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1290
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 646


this is an idea for a song...please evaluate (praise) nicely.


where do i belong
where do i fit
is it truly here
oh you lie-i smell your fear

who are you
where are you from
why are you here
i smell your fear-your lies are clear

you don't need me
you don't care
i don't need you
i'll remain here

i'm fallin
over cliffs of
empty thoughts

i'm fallin
under drifts of
judicial faults

lift me-lift me-lift me-lift me
help me to rise
above the haze of this life

lift me
help me rise

Submitted on 2006-06-09 22:35:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  The dramatic idea got me. But you lose it halfway. The last bit is not strongly connected to the first bit, which might be easy enough to fix! You know the connection -- I don't. That's what to fix. I write sonnets and so I have this problem all the time!!
| Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  At first I thought that this poem was really going to be simplistic but I did end up liking it. The beginning is slow but I love when you write
" I'm fallin over cliffs of empty thoughts....I'm fallin under drifts of judicial faults"
That really gives it some flavor. Good job- I look forward to reading more from you.
| Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Jill Lynne | [ Reply to This ]
  This makes me quite warm! i could close my eyes after reading it and still feel it... that is hot! it has been quite some time since I have visited your page, dear! glad to see you still have that passion!!! come visit me again sometime!! laters

| Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by prettygrnEyes | [ Reply to This ]

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