The dramatic idea got me. But you lose it halfway. The last bit is not strongly connected to the first bit, which might be easy enough to fix! You know the connection -- I don't. That's what to fix. I write sonnets and so I have this problem all the time!!
At first I thought that this poem was really going to be simplistic but I did end up liking it. The beginning is slow but I love when you write " I'm fallin over cliffs of empty thoughts....I'm fallin under drifts of judicial faults" That really gives it some flavor. Good job- I look forward to reading more from you.
This makes me quite warm! i could close my eyes after reading it and still feel it... that is hot! it has been quite some time since I have visited your page, dear! glad to see you still have that passion!!! come visit me again sometime!! laters
Submission Name: rise
