[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: For Scottdots

    Author: cyco_chic
    ASL Info:    15/F/Pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 9/5/5
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 712
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 888

       This is about the chicken that lost the only love they could ever dream of because of a small mistake, and all her sorrow at realizing it was too late.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Scottdots

    One last look into your eyes
    One last moment for all my cries
    One last glance at the face I love
    One last prayer aimed up above
    One last dream of you in my heart
    One last day till I'm torn all apart

    I promised myself I'd make it work
    Yet still I haven't and I'm going beserk
    I'd settle for speaking to you today
    'Cause lately "sorry" is all I can say
    I'd take it all back and forget my mistake
    But I guess my emotion was too much to take

    You're all I think of every day
    In my eyes your perfect in every way
    If we could move on and a friendship be formed
    The ice in my soul would be melted, reformed
    Wait don't leave i've more to say
    I don't want to lose you on my heart's last day

    Submitted on 2006-06-09 23:48:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      What an emotional write, with great flow throughout. Apart from the first stanza where I thought the rhymes were a tad predictable the rhymes in the rest of the poem were fluent and very well crafted.
    I found the very last line of the poem so very sad and touching, you really put your emotions into this write.
    I only have one suggestion - on the second line of the last stanza you have "your" and it should be "you're."
    Overall an emotional and well written poem.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Incubus written by monad
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    This written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Giving written by jjd
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]