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    dots Submission Name: For Scottdots

    Author: cyco_chic
    ASL Info:    15/F/Pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 9/5/5
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 888

       This is about the chicken that lost the only love they could ever dream of because of a small mistake, and all her sorrow at realizing it was too late.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Scottdots

    One last look into your eyes
    One last moment for all my cries
    One last glance at the face I love
    One last prayer aimed up above
    One last dream of you in my heart
    One last day till I'm torn all apart

    I promised myself I'd make it work
    Yet still I haven't and I'm going beserk
    I'd settle for speaking to you today
    'Cause lately "sorry" is all I can say
    I'd take it all back and forget my mistake
    But I guess my emotion was too much to take

    You're all I think of every day
    In my eyes your perfect in every way
    If we could move on and a friendship be formed
    The ice in my soul would be melted, reformed
    Wait don't leave i've more to say
    I don't want to lose you on my heart's last day

    Submitted on 2006-06-09 23:48:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      What an emotional write, with great flow throughout. Apart from the first stanza where I thought the rhymes were a tad predictable the rhymes in the rest of the poem were fluent and very well crafted.
    I found the very last line of the poem so very sad and touching, you really put your emotions into this write.
    I only have one suggestion - on the second line of the last stanza you have "your" and it should be "you're."
    Overall an emotional and well written poem.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by SilverScent | [ Reply to This ]

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