Gotta make plans
gotta think
gotta chase time
gotta move
make a move
leave a mark
take a step
leave a print
blue print the master plan within
cuz if i make no plans
i get no gain
worse than staying the same
regressing to something less
than my potential proclaims
and i’ll be stuck like a boat in the waters
with a motor but no power
oars beside me
but strength lost with the hours
that i sit waiting for someone
to save me
to take me
to let me escape
from my insecurities
magnifying my incapabilities
leaving me handicapped
unable to stand up and fight back against
myself
my greatest enemy.
You know, I personally really don't like stuff like this because it's too force-fed to me usually, with not enough oomph to really make me wonder or care... but this, this has rhythm, a true blues-jazz-funk-let's not give a f.uck but we do really rhythm that makes sense.
And that's why I like it.
This could be sung, I know it. It has that finger-clicking staccato-tap yet it's 4/4 but not at the same time rhythm to it.
I hate repeating myself. Ugh.
The message here is potent when delivered with musicality as well.
yeah ya cant think too much about stuff....that is why there are COO-COO DOCTORS...many people drive themselves into the loony bin because of themselves and the inability to handle stressfull situations..it seems as I get older I have gotton much better but I can also see a point when this alsoe turns the other way but that is still down the road.. Chica, this piece almopst reads like one of someones we are both familiar with..I like this little style from you. This is different blueprint the master plan within that line is very poignant and a very clever line as well
however you go from this person saving you and then suddenly they are magnifying your incapablilities---I am talking about the last 6 lines or so I would paste it here but something is wrong with my copy and paste thing--(if anyone reading this knows how to fix this pls. Let me know Thx) I am pretty sure you are trying to show the franticness of a panic attack and I have had one believe me- it felot like a [censored] heart attack--I dialled 911 from my cell phone and I was standing drinking a beer my the time they got there...crazy--I will have to ponder this one from you a bit more but Tinasha.L--you know you are the winner already right???tsk tsk-silly girl you are one of the good ones, all will be ok in the end...there are just a few hills and valleys you must wade through first....lol lamemansterms
i really like the beats you got going on in the background here... is it intentional? ive miss your stuff... ive been outta of operation for 7 months now but i think im close to back now and ill be by your page for a catch up in the next few weeks thats a promise!
gotta gotta gotta
makes me think choo choo choo... you know that story about the train that thought he could...i think i can i think i can i think i can as hes struggling up the hill carrying all the carts behind him...? thats what this seems like... but you start gaining mmomentum you know... like your so close to the top... you know its gonna be ok.... to me blueprint the master plan within is the top ofthe hill... youve worked out what its all about... but almost as soon as you got to the top your plunging down the other side... into doubts and fears and lostness... into completely unknown territory
the end is a realisation that i think if you hold onto and learn to work with you can climb that hill again but this time the track wont go straight down hill... it will be a scenic tour through beautiful lands... hard work creates beauty as does pain... it sucks at the time but its always worth it... promise!
you gotta have the valleys/low times so you know how great the mountain times are... you will be amazing...i promise you that... dont let "the real world" overwhelm you...jsut stay true to yourself... youre awesome!
What I like here is your rap/hip hop rhythm and rhyme scheme. It gives the poem a very distinctive feel. a deffinite place and in the world. Rap is the new poetry... and oddly enough it goes back to the very beginnings of poetry being a spoken or lyric form. I enjoyed reading this becasue of that feeling. I may not like what rappers always say... in fact I rarely do,,, but I like the way they say it.
Submission Name: Anxiety Attack
