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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Well: Part 2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 622
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 943
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3550



    Description:
       Ok, second part in my story. If you're expecting gore though, you'll be disappointed cause I tried to stay away from gore on this one and relied more on suspense, terror and atmosphere. Oh and it has a good amount of cussing. So there, you've been warned... Tell me if you liked it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Well: Part 2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    “What the hell was that?” Ally was wide awake now, listening intently to the night. There was something out there. She knew it, she sensed it. She stood there wide-eyed into the blackness determined to fiure out what made the spine-chilling noise. There was only silence.
    Even though Ally feared unfamiliar sounds, she’d rather have that then this oppressive, black silence. She hated silence. Silence had the ability to magnify every little sound, transforming it into mind-blowing terror. She stood there next to her well unable to move, unable to do much of anything.
    “What do I do? What do I do?” She whispered frantically to herself. Should she leave her well for the sanctuary of the forest?
    “NO! I dunno what the hell’s out there or even where it is,” It was so dark now, she wasn’t even sure which direction the rustling sound had come from anymore.
    “What if I run right into him... or it?” Ally shivered at the thought. She kept on listening and listening for the rustling, but couldn’t hear anything anymore.
    “Maybe I’m just very tired and need some... NO! I fucking heard it. I know I did. I’m not going crazy.” She had no idea what to do now.
    “Maybe... whatever it was, wasn’t going in my direction... yeah, that’s it. It probably just passed on.” That seemed to satisfy her as she slowly stepped away from the safety of the well.
    “Goddamn it! I freak out too easily,” She said to herself, “When I get home... FUCKING SHIT! There it is again ” Ally nearly screamed. This time she really did hear some kind of rustling and it was headed in her direction
    “Shit! Shit! Shit! What hell do I do?” She ran as quietly as she could in the opposite direction, past the well and behind the thick trunk of a twisted tree.
    “What the hell is out there?” Ally asked herself in fear. She wanted to run away but her legs wouldn’t budge and her curiosity was too powerful. She stood there shaking behind the tree, looking out at the well.
    She didn’t see it at first because of the dark. But eventually, a shadowy figure came into view. The figure of a...
    “...Human? What the hell?” Ally was expecting some kind of hideous demon or man-eating creature to pop out and devour her.
    “What the hell is he doing here so late?” She asked herself... and then realized the same could be said about her.
    “Probably just some old hermit guy that lives around this area,” She thought. It was too dark to see much and she couldn’t tell how old the guy was. But she was sure it was some old hermit just scouting the area.
    “Did I really make that much noise?” Ally wondered.
    The old hermit guy seemed to be looking around for something. He scanned the well and surrounding forest for... Ally wasn’t sure. He kept looking around until after a few minutes seemed satisfied and disappeared back into the forest. Ally waited a little, half-expecting the guy to return.
    The hermit did return after awhile, though he was carrying a big, plastic garbage bag. Ally decided he wasn’t old from the way he walked with the bag, but it sure seemed heavy from the way he stumbled towards the well with it.
    “Hey!” Ally thought, “Don’t throw your fucking garbage down my well!” She nearly yelled at the man, but something made her keep quiet. She couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something unsettling about him.
    He set the bag down next to the well and slowly pulled out...
    “Jesus fucking Christ! A severed head!”
    Ally screamed...




    Submitted on 2006-06-11 14:39:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I"m gonna start out with the corrections first...

    "determined to fiure out what made the spine-chilling noise."
    <It should be figure, not fiure, lol...I think that's just a matter of typing too fast though>

    That's really the only error you had on this one...you may want to use some heavier adjectives though...it would make it more compact, I guess. I did like the fact that it wasn't gorey, it made it real....One thing's for sure,that girl can really swear! lol, I have a few suggestions on how to write some of your story, maybe add a bit more suspense....


    ...........................................................................
    "She kept on listening and listening for the rustling, but couldn’t hear anything anymore."
    (try this...)
    <She listened intently for any further hint of rustling, but it seemed the sound had silenced itself.>

    "She wanted to run away but her legs wouldn’t budge and her curiosity was too powerful"
    (try this...)
    <Her instinct told her to run, but it seemed fear and curiosity had cemented her feet to the ground.>

    "She stood there shaking behind the tree, looking out at the well."
    (try...)
    <She hid behind the tree, shivering like one of its leaves in the wind, peering at the well>

    "She didn’t see it at first because of the dark. But eventually, a shadowy figure came into view. The figure of a..."
    (try this...)
    <She couldn't see much at first glance due to night's cloak of darkness. Eventually, squinting through the night she could make out a shadowy figure. The figure of...but it couldn't be...* then when you have her say human to finish how you wrote it, have her saying it like a question like 'a human?'*>
    ..........................................................................




    You don't have to change how you wrote, it, just trying to give advice and help you out...over-all, I'm looking forward to the next installment!

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      no gore? what the f.uck hun that is not like you, you damn well better have some next time:P lols. yeah that wasn't a bad point, silence is the worst thing you can hear, unless you are with a person u can enjoy silence with. this was kinda weird hun....I want more tho and since I"m leaving tomorrow I will have to wait till I get back d.amn you. lol you did swear enough tho:P this was cool tho, am liking this so far you BETTER NOT be one of those posers who make a series up till the last one and then refuse to reveal the end. lol anyway keep writing ^.^ the weed usually helps the best of us, just don't overdue it
    love ya,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..um weird. The ending surprised me, I was expected the dude to kill her, or want to put in the bag or something, but eh, that would involve gore. I liked this, the suspence was nice, it made me read faster, but still not miss a beat. A lot of curse words, but it works, she thought and said the things that I would most likely say in the situation, it was cool. Anwyho great job, and..part 3? Maybe. Great job, Take Care.

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]


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