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    dots Submission Name: Promise Medots

    Author: Toxic Rose
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159/220/97
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 898
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545

       You know who you are. Just promise you'll never forget me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPromise Medots

    A thousand dreams
    A thousand kisses
    Could never repair
    This hurt

    Slow throbs of pain
    Harmonies of aches
    Mix to an anguished

    Bruised and damaged
    Injured and broken
    My heart beats slowly
    For you

    Just promise me
    You'll never forget
    All the times we laughed
    So true

    Just promise me
    You'll never regret
    The choices we made
    That day...

    Just promise me.

    Submitted on 2006-06-11 17:19:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Good. I liked how the endings of every two stanzas rhymed (ie hurt and concert). It was a great piece of work over all, albeit a bit depressing (to me)...
    I agree with the comment about italicizing (did I spell that right?) the last line for emphasis.
    Great analogies with the 'harmonies of aches' becoming a concert.

    Keep churning out this stuff. It's great.

    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by SilverLightning | [ Reply to This ]
      This was also good like the last one I read from you. There is one thing though I suggest, maybe you could place the last line in italics for emphasize, like it was said very subtly, it would add some more effect at least thats how I see it. But thats just my opinion and you can take it or leave it thats up to you.

    Keep up the good work
    and take care

    Be happy

    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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