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Promise Me

Author: Toxic Rose
Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159 /220 /97
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 923
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 545


You know who you are. Just promise you'll never forget me.


Promise Me

A thousand dreams
A thousand kisses
Could never repair
This hurt

Slow throbs of pain
Harmonies of aches
Mix to an anguished

Bruised and damaged
Injured and broken
My heart beats slowly
For you

Just promise me
You'll never forget
All the times we laughed
So true

Just promise me
You'll never regret
The choices we made
That day...

Just promise me.

Submitted on 2006-06-11 17:19:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Good. I liked how the endings of every two stanzas rhymed (ie hurt and concert). It was a great piece of work over all, albeit a bit depressing (to me)...
I agree with the comment about italicizing (did I spell that right?) the last line for emphasis.
Great analogies with the 'harmonies of aches' becoming a concert.

Keep churning out this stuff. It's great.

| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by SilverLightning | [ Reply to This ]
  This was also good like the last one I read from you. There is one thing though I suggest, maybe you could place the last line in italics for emphasize, like it was said very subtly, it would add some more effect at least thats how I see it. But thats just my opinion and you can take it or leave it thats up to you.

Keep up the good work
and take care

Be happy

| Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]

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